No 2x4's here. You've been through the ringer. Suggest you get a book called "Making Love Again" which is specifically about dealing with erectile issues after cancer. Y'all have the mechanics down, but the emotional-psychological side that the man faces is practically impossible for a woman to understand. This book really opened my eyes.

My late H was impotent from 30+ years of diabetes, and he also had the inflatable implant. To be honest, we didn't get all that much use out of it. For a guy, everything in him tells him that this is supposed to be a spontaneous, natural process. Sometimes people are surprised at their reactions when they have the surgery. Sometimes the woman feels "cheated" because he can get an E and it has nothing to do with her. But the guy is faced with this mechanical pre-emption (is that a real word?) of a pleasurable process that was pretty much the center of his world before.

I think after you read this book, you will have a LOT more compassion for him. The book is written by a couple, and they had an extremely active vibrant sex life before he got cancer. So they may be somewhat atypical. They were extremely motivated to get their sex life back. Even so, the issues were excruciating for them and almost drove them apart.

In my current R with my BF, he also has ED from drinking, smoking, heart issues. Yeah, my Red Flag detector is busted. Anyway, one thing you have surely gotten from reading this board is that there is a whole lot more to a sex life than willingness and functioning equipment. It's a three-ring circus of emotion, pride, power, fear, intimacy, trust, anger, physical issues (his AND hers), and an endless array of booby traps (excuse the expression). Frankly, it's a wonder ANYONE ever has sex IMHO.

You might also read "Peace Between the Sheets" which focuses on emotional intimacy, fun, pleasure, excitement, and less on penetration, ejaculation, and orgasm.

It's odd how often bladder cancer is found in alcoholics.

This board is slow on the weekends-- you'll probably get more comments next week.

Welcome aboard this leaky boat.