Quote: my frustration in our marraige over these many years is just not due to my issues.
This leapt off the screen at me.
Cobra, do you have internal voices that say the problems are due to you, and is that why you're always looking for stuff in your W's background (FOO), etc.? To prove those voices wrong?
Don't get me wrong: it's absolutely clear that the problems in a R always come from both parties or the combo of both parties, but I'm wondering if YOU feel-- even subconsciously-- that maybe the probs are due mostly to you?
Is that why it's so hard for you to let yourself really FEEL the part of the problems that you bring to the table? Is that just tooo painful, so when we suggest you make changes, you deflect, deflect, deflect.
Does someone in your family (besides your W) believe that if YOU just straightened yourself out, grew up, acted like a man, <fill in the blank with some family platitude>, there wouldn't be any problems in your marriage?
Please give this some thought... don't just give me a knee-jerk deflection
