(ahhh I couldnt help it. j/k )and not my point. You totally personalized my post, just like GEL is with her H. She can focus on the fact that she IS getting a compliment, or be 'bristly' about it being good enough. Or she can work with him on changing this aspect of being male. Im sure there is a compromise in there somewhere.
No... really, I didn't personalize. I can understand both sides of the remarks. I don't think GEL is asking her H to be something he isn't, nor is any women when they are asking for encouragement or compliments.
I think men are very perplexed by this one aspect of communication, because, like you said... they really don't spend a great deal of time on 'what we did right...' probably would almost seem 'feminine' to do so, huh? Hmmmmm....<eye roll> Geee.... men jump to the... 'how do we get even better?' More masculine part of the equation... competitive... alpha... stay on top of the heap.... Hmmmm.... <eye roll> Gee....
I can and have spent a great deal of my time in the second part of the communication equation, BF. You've called me on it numerous times... you would even call that style of my communicating "competitive." Harsh. Hard. And a lot of the guys here don't like it when I do it, either.
So. I've gone back to the other side. I adore... adore... un-looked for compliments (but not too many). I will double my efforts for some genuine encouragement... IF they lack the 'but' portion of the convo.
Otherwise, I'm hopping back to the other side of the fence in my communication style because it really hurts A WOMAN to have a compliment or encouragement given, especially by the man she loves, and then have it snatched immediately away with a BUT.
The compliment/encouragement thing to a woman feels probably the same way an unsought caress from the W feels to a man. It indicates appreciation, love, respect... a "I'm on your side, babe." With no strings attached.
