Even though you know it, Im gonna say it again. Im 'on your side', I appreciate how incredible challenging what you want to accomplish is, and how far you have come in the past year or so... however
Cally is not an 'idiot'. She... and the rest of the ladies have a emotional reaction to the way you present things. Their 'feelings' in reaction to how you come across are not wrong. Not very empathatic, but they're not men.
When you have a bunch of women reacting the same way.... pay attention... good or bad.
Give credence to what they say. Reading thru you last thread, going thru the back and forth arguing and disagreements I found myself nodding in agreement with you AND the ladies. LIL, has been 'on your side' for a long time. Listen. REread. Mrs.Nop is trying to show you a HEALTHY middle ground. Thats why you educated yourself so much right? To be the healthy one?
Personally I think that there is a lot more emotion...'love'...between you and your W then either of you are willing to admit. <shhhh> So keep up doing what you are doing. BE yourself, do what you think needs to be done, your way. BUT LOSE THE FRIGGIN NEGATIVITY. Sheesh.
STOP attacking her with the intention of damaging her. I didnt say stop pushing her. Your gonna fail, but really work on this. When you attack her with the thought of giving her some of her own medicine, it makes you appear WEAK in her eyes, because what she has done has had an effect on you. When she does attack you, you can stop her by being strong, forceful, even loud. (we both know I dont mean physically..<sigh>) But do not attack in return. She wins when you do that. Please dont try to explain why its necessary, or tell me I dont understand.
What I do commend you on is not backing down, and not placating. Your W is gaining respect for you because of that. If you can lose the return assaults she can start to feel some love. Think of it like this.... When you play fight (or spar) with a kid, they can wail at you with all their strength, because you are in fact--- impervious. Your strong, dominant. They can get the occasional shot in (a nose, or your family jewels) but you can see that coming, and stop it, thru a warning, that it is unacceptable. You dont haul off and spin kick them across the room, if they manage to get you.
Since you know this the baby steps forward is a pattern, know that another conflict is coming. Ther are going to be lots. You get intimate, then there is a fight. She has to do this. Again I think your behaviors are mostly the right ones, but some of your details... bleh.
I know I should not engage in the name calling,
PERIOD. End of sentence.
but I do believe it is essential that I stand up to her YES. Lose the but.
to the point that she feels enough pressure to confront our issues. I dont agree with this. Standing up to her, is your issue to work on. How you stand up to her is also your issue to work on. It will still have the same outcome, but your focus will be in the proper place. On You. It will also feel entirely different to her. Does that make sense? You can do the exact same thing, but intent changes the feeling. Philanthropy can 'feel' like supplicating, if done with the wrong intent/ for the wrong reason.
She mentioned her previous requests that I turn over joint ownership of the van and the down payment money for the house, but that I have not done so meant I was the one not cooperating I like that your not placating her with this. That being said, If its your only car, do the joint, as long as her car is joint too. If you have a car and she has a car, then do the van joint... seriously if it comes to a D, its not gonna make one iota of difference. Lastly, she has validity to her opinion that you see the glass half empty.
<shhhh>
