Cobra, If I were you, I concentrate on setting boundaries for your entire family instead of concentrating on working up your courage to be mean to your W.
In other words, practice things like: "I will not tolerate you telling D13 that you will kill her, regardless of what she says to you first. If it happens again, I will do xyz. If it happens after that, I will do abc. These are my personal boundaries. I'm not trying to start a fight, I'm simply telling you how things will be from now on."
Then do the same (with different consequences of course) with your daughter. Even though your poor daughter is growing up with a violent, hateful mother she should still be taught that this sort of behavior is unacceptable.
It is absolutely critical, in your situation, to enforce boundaries every single time. Mainly for the protection--mental and physical--of your children, but also walk the walk of what you are presumably doing here at this forum: trying to save your M. As long as your wife knows that she can say or do whatever she feels like, she will continue to do so. Your getting angry has helped turn the tide but its effectiveness appears to have worn off. It's time for the next phase: putting her in her place and taking charge of your family. There is absolutely no excuse for the way she is acting towards your kids but I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, eh.
Here are 2 things I'd do right away: 1. Talk to W and D separately and lay down the law about killing talk. Unacceptable. End of story. Then talk to the the whole family, as a unit with you leading the meeting and letting them know that violence and disrespect will not be tolerated from anyone.
2. Meet with your lawyer again and go over your chances of getting custody. Although I don't know squat about Texas divorce law, I find it incomprehensible that a woman who has one child endangerment arrest on her record and the potential for several others would *automatically* get the kids. It has a ring of defeatist talk to me...or is it really that bleak?
Cobra, I don't know how you do what you do. I wish you luck and am pulling for you.
