Cobra, part two

[Bear]

Cobra, I want to clarify, I don't think you are the root cause of your W's problems. I do wonder how much your behavior and attitude toward her has escalated her issues.

I think your W is horribly abusive but I'm not trying to help her, I'm trying to help you. And you, Cobra, are being abusive.

I don't think for one second that things will magically get fixed if you treat your W better, but it may make them a little less volatile.

I spent 5 years with an abuser...and I became one in the process, much like you. I did things that I am not proud of all in the name of trying to save the relationship. He treated me horribly and I in turn treated him pretty horribly back because I was trying to, in some small way, stand up for myself and shoe him consequences of his actions. What I discovered though, is that the more I stood up, the more he escalated the situation. I didn't like or agree with the things I had to do to be heard and/or taken seriously in that M. I reached a point where I didn't like myself very much because of the things I was doing and I decided to stop. Guess what happened. It pi$$ed him off even more. He went ballistic because it was an insult to him that I was not engaging in the battle so he had to escalate it. I stayed in control of myself and eventually he burned out and calmed down. I told him I was choosing to live by my standards, and I did. Some things did improve. So Cobra, I do know what I'm talking about. I feel for you but I want you to UNDERSTAND that regardless of your W's actions, YOU are crossing the line and you can only stop yourself from taking that path. Choosing to live by your standards is NOT quitting.

As for your W, no freaking way should she be sleeping with the kids. And abuse is abuse so start documenting it and talk to a lawyer.

Bear