If a man had gone into the child's bedroom, swept monitor and books into the floor, threw water in the child's face and *for whatever reason, for whatever context* threatened to kill the child -
He would be hauled off immediately.
ADD and OCD do not make you abusive.
I don't have to tell you, because you are living it - but your wife evidently has little self-restraint. She can't draw lines on her own behavior. That means you have to draw them for her on behalf of your children. Because if it was just you, you could choose to tolerate it or leave.
Your children don't have that choice.
She has a track record of choosing to not restrain her abusive mouth and abusive behavior. It was abusive to your son for her to hang up on you when you were calling to see if there were any antibiotics in the house.
Your son's pain and health were *secondary* to her, well below her need to angrily express her unhappiness with you and "win" a power struggle with you by hanging up and then not answering the phone.
She sexually abused your son by flicking his penis repeatedly.
She has proven herself abusive repeatedly.
Fathers who walk into a home and start stomping around and angrily fuming at the family would quickly get labled abusive. I do not think women should be given some sort of gender-card that allows them to behave the same way with little consequence.
I don't think it is important *at all* what may be contributing to her reason for being the way she is. It is her behavior and actions displayed in the present that need to be addressed.
You know you can live in a perverted situation for so long that you lose any concept of what normal is.
I think you're caught in that kind of fog.
Because when I hear specifics of what you and your children are dealing with, I am frankly in shock. I don't think you truly realize the depth of what your wife is doing to your children.
What's it going to take? An actual painful physical injury to a child?
As to concern about losing her job, I can assure you that parents of the children she is teaching would move their kids out in a New York second if they knew how she treated her own kids.
If it's not important enough to her to control her behavior because she fears losing her job, then why would it be more important to you than your children?
I agree with you that her plan is to get situated so that she can divorce you and take your children.
I see nothing wrong with you taking a pre-emptive move and divorcing her yourself while pushing for full custody. I would hate to see you put yourself through this ringer, while she changes little and continues her abusive behaviors with the children all the while setting you up for divorce.
Your wife needs a wakeup call.
Why don't you call your counselor and ask him/her if what occurred is abusive.
