Cobra, I wanted to let you know that I admire your integrity and strength of fortitude. I think you stepped up to answer to what you felt were your responsibilities when discovering that your then-girlfriend was pregnant. And you have continued to honor that committment for a long time and have sought to be more of a father even when your wife was pushing to keep you out of or denigrate that role.
I hope you aren't feeling too beat up about the love thing. A couple can have a great relationship that is based on respect and mutual goals. Love, in every relationship, at some time becomes a choice, not a feeling.
You've had it rough, because not only have you not had love as a foundation, there was also little to no respect.
I admire you for continuing to provide financially for your family, when it seemed that was all you were being used for. That's got to be painful.
And after all of that, you are still willing and wanting to work on developing a good relationship with your wife. That says a lot about you.
I don't agree with some of your methods, but I do understand that people don't easily give up what they have established as their territory. So, you are relegated to fighting for every scrap of family participation and influence beyond workmule with your wife. She grew up without a father, so she doesn't see them as an integral part of a child's life.
My concern is this. You are pursuing a worthy goal, but are using a poor method. You are continuing to play by your wife's "rules" of pitching conniption fits, cussing, and brute psychological force. Unless you want those attributes to continue in perpetuity in your marriage, I think it would behoove you to *consider* other, IMO, healthier methods of achieving the same goal.
So, far, I don't see you even considering the possibility that there might be other ways to accomplish your goals. The two choices are not laying down like a rug or becoming the same thing you despise in her.
There is a third, emotionally healthier way. If you can stop defending your current methods, you might discover that you can find a different tack that gets you to your goal with a little *less* damage to everyone involved, including you and your kids.
