4. Have you eaten today? No Make sure you do. DO IT NOW!
5. If it is not raining, put the girls in a stroller, and go for a walk. Get away from the computer for a while (after you tell Amy where you live. I just cleaned my kitchen up a bit. I don't feel like going anywhere though. . . . That's why you need to. Around the block. To the end of the road. Fifteen minutes, anywhere. No thinking allowed. Enjoy the little ones!
OK- Here: TIOGA COUNTY Tioga County Human Services Agency 1873 Shumway Hill Road Wellsboro, PA 16901 (570) 724-5766
I think they are closed now. But try in the morning. I know there are people that want to help you. The trick is just to find them. You could try a church. I don't care if it is one you've never been to, and neither will they.
Please understand that I do love my girls. I really do. I just can't find away to hoist myself up this time.
All for Cassie. Hope she's worth it. He's ended so much. He's ended lives and he doesn't even know it yet. I really hope he calls tonight so I can tell him to just come get the girls next weekend. From there he can decided where they go and who will love them. I always will. I am just so sorry that I couldn't be stronger for them. I am so sorry that they were born into a horrid relationship in which their father would walk out and love a whore . . . . I feel so much pain . . . and I am sorry for them. I hope they realize it. I hope they don't hate me later for the choices I have made. I love Kevin VERY much . . . he just doesn't love me back. I don't feel strong enough to go on for them.
OK Emily, I have two friends who live in Pennsylvania who can come and get you and the girls. DO YOU WANT HELP??? Both of these women are Chriatian women who are very active with a marriage ministry. BUT they take things seriously and will expect alot from you, they have much patience but will not put up with BS. For what it is worth, you are having this melodrama all based on an assumption from someone elses myspace. None of it is fact and you have worked yourself into a frenzy. As I told you before, I have done this insane stuff and took anti anxiety meds to help me get through it. Once you can think rationally, you will begin to see things differently.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
There is nothing wrong with that. My mom gave me money to take the kids on a couple day trips so they could say then had a vacation this summer. Whenever I need help, I ask. It is hard to ask but sometimes you just have to do it.
Quote: Please understand that I do love my girls. I really do. I just can't find away to hoist myself up this time.
All for Cassie. Hope she's worth it. He's ended so much. He's ended lives and he doesn't even know it yet. I really hope he calls tonight so I can tell him to just come get the girls next weekend. From there he can decided where they go and who will love them. I always will. I am just so sorry that I couldn't be stronger for them. I am so sorry that they were born into a horrid relationship in which their father would walk out and love a whore . . . . I feel so much pain . . . and I am sorry for them. I hope they realize it. I hope they don't hate me later for the choices I have made. I love Kevin VERY much . . . he just doesn't love me back. I don't feel strong enough to go on for them.
I do love them. VERY much.
Alright then. Let's go slow.
A good start. You love your girls. So, you need to take care of them. So you need to take care of yourself.
What we've been trying to tell you is you don't have to hoist yourself up! There is help. It is freely given. You just have to be willing to ask.
I'm thinking at the keyboard, and I may not like this when it is done, but let's say you really want Kevin back. At least right now . Do you think he wants to come back to you the way you are now? I think he wants to come back to a strong, confident, reliable, mature Emily. The good thing is that is what your girls need to. And what you need. So, what you need to do is the same, in any case. Please do it. I don't know you, and this is hurting like you were one of mine! Call the county, a church, a neighbor. Call the doctor. You need to get yourself right before working to recover Kevin is an issue anyway, so just drop that.
Now, I might get a little condescending here, if so, I apologize in advance. (I always tell people that when they say that, they really know they shouldn't say what comes next, but I am going to violate my own advice!)
Both you and Kevin are very young. You both have a lot of growing up to do. It is more forced on you, since you have the girls. So it is very real to you. I'm sure he doesn't see it. It is abstract to him. My wife always said that I lagged months behind each time we had a child (4) because it was not as real to me. That's pretty hard to argue with. But you know why he doesn't call? Why he doesn't show up? He is scared out of his mind. It is NOT about Cassie, though it might look like it. It is not about you. It is his immaturity, his fear. You don't have to own that. In fact, you need to have a yard sale (or garage sale, I don't remember which it is there) and sell that off right now. Throughout this I have gotten the feeling that you want things to happen NOW! In the movies, on the TV, in our dreams, that works. And I think that your generation is even more like that (cell phones, etc, make everything more instant, more rushed). But things like this don't work that way. You don't get to be a perfect mother over night. It is hard work. I've been a father for 18 years, I'm still struggling every day.
I guess the point is, that as far as what you need to do right now, it doesn't matter what you hope for your marriage and for Kevin. You need to do the same things whether you want to be married for 80 years or if you want him to vanish from the face of the earth. That's why we are asking (ok, telling) you to just stop bring him into this. Just try. Try for ten minutes, then an hour. Then for the morning. And so on. That's why I think a walk is a good idea.
. Do you think he wants to come back to you the way you are now? I think he wants to come back to a strong, confident, reliable, mature Emily. The good thing is that is what your girls need to. And what you need. So, what you need to do is the same, in any case. Please do it. I don't know you, and this is hurting like you were one of mine! Call the county, a church, a neighbor. Call the doctor. You need to get yourself right before working to recover Kevin is an issue anyway, so just drop that.