I keep screwing up and letting my suspiciousions sneak into our convos
Do not do this,,pretend she does not exist. I suggest also which I forgot to tell you yesterday. Go over my old threads and read what I was feeling , very similiar to you and see what others told me to do. i believe that will help alot also. And above all else do not mention her. Yes it is harder than h*ll but let your strength guide you and your heart too. Yes what he did was cruel, mean and he was being an A****le but you need to put all this { the hurt and things he did to you} in a box and put the lid on it and put that box under your bed...
he needs you, he needs you and your strength, your forgiveness, your love and compassion. If you want him to feel comfortable and not like running again you need to be there for him and let him grow.I keep reminding you , you need to be his safe place to land. Yes his comment on how you let him down is AMAZING, but like I have been thru too.
it was me, I felt who was hurt so badly by what " THEY" did to me!!
but ..... my H acts like the wounded one too and needs sooooo much from me too. Be that source of hope and strength and unconditional love. when you interact with him as JJ24 had advised me,, what about acting like if he was only your " BOYFRIEND" then your expectations are low. I did this and I also showed him love as his Wife. It helped it not hurt so much when I did not expect as much of him. Sure I got frustrated and I did backslide a couple of times, but when I did I did not raise my voice or dredge up every little mistake he ever made. { LIKE I USED TO IN THE PAST}
I looked at the time that he would talk to me or spend with me as a gift from God himself, cause afterall that was what I was praying for so hard. I would pray to God to restore my h and make him whole again to bless him and if he was to be with us his family great but I prayed for him to be Happy most of all. And yes it will seemed forced or fake. Do not expect him to act like evrything is normal,, it will take time. My h is just seeming to act really comfortable this past week ,,,, every week he would move forward a little. But I remind you, you need to soothe yourself and let him heal and grow.
I missed all the normalcy but held on in the hopes that one day he would be restored and better than ever. And now that Gift has come to me.... My H does these things now that he did not do in the past...
when he has a day off and is at home he will allow me { w/o getting angry}to spend time with my frineds for a bit like go to lunch, go shopping or get my hair done. In the past he was extremely controlling or got offended that on his day off someone invite me to spend time with them.
He helps with the kids more.
he is more open with me and does not keep his day or activities private anymore.
and many more little things. All in all I continue to be patient and allow him to be the Man he needs to be for himself and for me. Another example of how my letting him grow and being patient and loving has changed him... He recently came home and said " Honey sit down I want to talk to you { I was a little nervous he never says for me to sit down }
I do not want you to get angry but , I had told you before about going to see my Parents in Mexico,,,, I would like to go see them soon." I just smiled and said "..that is fine." never mentioned OW.. Total 180 for him and my reaction total 180 too.
A year ago he would have told me the day he was leaving or I would have to hear him tell someone over the phone he was doing this. And me not getting upset is a 180 not only because I have to trust him but also b/c he met Ow there and she is friends with his sister. {{ I will most definitely not bring her up and just pray and have faith in him that he does not see her while he is there} She lives in Texas so I hope she stays there and he respects me.. but ANYWAY. I HAD A LITTLE TIME THIS MORNING SO I THOUGHT I WOULD SAY HI TO YOU AND RAMBLE A BIT AGAIN. I will check on you later. xoxoxoxo Ali GOD bless...
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