But it was Dr. Wayne Dyer's "The Power of Intention" Amy! From the sounds of it . . it would be useful for me to read it.
I just need to get past this conference tomorrow . . .it has me all stressed out. I have felt sick and knotted in my stomach all day . . because I am soo tense that if my H really means what he has been saying (even though he hasn't called yet today) then this thing tomorrow is going to blow it all anyway.
I am so nervous. I hope he calls tonight just to be sure we are still meeting up before the conference. If we aren't we don't have to leave as early in the morning! I'm a litle fustraighted!
I don't see that you have any reason to be so nervous. It's him that ought to be nervous. You're just doing what you have to do for the girls and are well within your legal and moral rights to do so.
If he blows it, he blows it. You hush. Remember?
You have to make an effort to stop being so moved by circumstances that you have no control over.
Today is as good as any to start.
Emily, Kevin's actions do not control your future.
You do.
And should he want to be a part of it, he'll figure out for himself that he needs to straighten the hell up.
Didn't get my name put on the bank account. We tried but the lady was busy the whole time we had before the conference and by the time we were done we had 15 minutes before the bank closed. BUT he did give me 140.00 and a carton of cigs. (so closer to 180.00)
So my H has to start paying support . . he's going to start this week. I'll get 591.and change (I don't remember exactly). It feels soooo wrong. Like blood money.
HE WAS GREAT through the conference . . . I cried almost the whole time. I felt like a total ass. . . he kept telling me it was OK and to just calm down etc.
He did get his address changed for parking . . . so that way he won't ever really have to go back to that area of the affair.
He had a small freak out yesterday. I guess he had seen HER on Sun. night (in passing to say hi HE SAYS) so yesterday after the conference he was like, "Just go home Emily." I told him we had just done what was legally necessary and down the road once things were normal and we were living together etc we could cancel it. We even told the DR people that we were trying to reconcile etc. They said it was fine, when things were settled we could cancel at any time. Anyway . . I told him that and he said, "I know what we did today." (It felt almost like a spike right between us) I asked if this was about her and he replied, "It's always about her."
By the time I left we were OK again. Just a short freak out. He even commented on that. I also talked to him lastnight. Things are still OK. There was another small freak out between when we left down there and when we returned home (about 4 hours) In which he called my answering machine said he had called a D lawyer and was going in ASAP and doing what should have been done in December. He would always love me but he couldn't do "this" anymore. (this was about 30 minutes after we had left). Two hours after he left that message he called back and left another message. Saying: After we left he checked his VM and this D lawyer had called him back One that he had called her awhile back when he thought we'd never work out (*rolls eyes . . he's only had the new number a month) He said he called her back and told her to never mind he wasn't going to go in ("he promised") He loves me VERY much . . and he's VERY sorry for the previous CRAZY message (he was crying by now), it was just that her calling back sent him into another freak out. But he was on his way back out on the road he loved me and he'd see me in two weeks, and he would call later (which he did).
Now he says he'll try to get a weekday off next time he comes home so he can get a bank account up here. No sense having one the whole way down there that he can't get to he says.
Emily,,, sounds like some progress has been made. Take things really , really slow Honey. Stay strong he will be feeling up and down like that for awhile. Stay strong be his safe place to land be the beautiful person we all know you are.I am really proud of you. You have grown alot since we first started posting to one another,,, keep it up. A great big hug for the Queen and xoxoxo for the little princesses. God bless...
It's money he has to pay for the girls he laid down with you and created.
When their Daddy makes decent money it's not right for them to be raised in poverty!!!
So get the hell over it!
Now, other than your husband being about as high strung as you are and bouncing back and forth between emotions, I think a little bit of progress was made.
Continue as you have been.
I really am relieved that you're back. Sorry I had to be ugly. But "blood money" my ass.
Quote: It's money he has to pay for the girls he laid down with you and created.
When their Daddy makes decent money it's not right for them to be raised in poverty!!!
So get the hell over it!
I know you're right Amy. But like I said it just felt that that was what drove the stake between us. When we first met him he was VERY lovely and held my hand in the car, wanted to hug etc. (I was the reserved one.) But after the conference it was a whole different ballgame. Before we left he was back to "normal".
I just don't know if I should "let go" and let him go be with her and "be happy". Even though he's already tried that and missed me. But then again when he's "with" me he misses her.
I just don't know what to do so I am trying to do nothing. I'm not going to call him anymore unless it's REALLY important and ONLY about the girls. I figure he'll call if he wants to talk . . . maybe space and time are the things he needs.
I want my marriage to work out. I even told my parents we were trying again. Surprisingly enough my mother was VERY happy. I just didn't tell them how still on the rocks everything really is. . . . I didn't want to get into all of that. I simply told them that we were talking about maybe trying to stay together etc.
Oh guys. . . . tell me to just be still and let God work . . . . I want my H back and I know that's the only way it'll happen.
Alimari I hope you read this because I know you went through the period where your H "kept" the OW around with like pictures etc.: HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THAT.
Like yesterday while in his truck he gave me back a bunch of stuff . . . my digital camera, a sweatshirt, my XBox games, Movies, and ALL of HIS and my CD's. Progress . . .
BUT . . in his truck he still has a coloring book and crayons that were hers. He still wears the hoodie that she gave him for Christmas (hell he wore it yesterday). Stuff like that. I asked him about throwing them out (BAD MOVE I KNOW . . I regretted it as soon as it sneaked out) and he VERY adamantly refused. I know this is a patient game . . . . but how do I deal with that. She DOES have his new phone number . . . so I am guessing that they do talk . . .
What's my move now? Nothing . . . just back away and wait?!?!?! I am soo confused
A great big hug for the Queen and xoxoxo for the little princesses. 
