I’ve never posted here, as I maintain my threads in “Separated”, but I need some input from all of you who are experiencing infidelity. Brief recap of my sitch:
Me 34 W 34 No kids Prior to bomb - married 7 months, together 6 1/2 years 4/12/06 - Bomb #1 (separation) 4/23/06 – W moved out 6/16/06 – Bomb #2 (W wants to “end things”; told her to file if that’s what she wants; W denied having an A) 8/12/06 – Pretty sure she is having an A and suspected she was all along 8/15/06 – Found out W quit her job (she was part-owner of a company) 8/24/06 – I filed for D 8/31/06 – Found her MySpace account (created on 3/3/06) and confirmed A in conjunction with other evidence I had gathered over the previous 5 months 9/1/06 – W was served with D papers
After many months of no progress or willingness from my W to try to reconcile and of suspecting that my W was involved with another man, I decided I needed to file for D. A week later, my A suspicions were confirmed through MySpace, Google searches, etc. In my state, a D can be finalized no sooner than 90 days after the defendant is served, which puts me at December 1. Anyway, I’m assuming that my W is going to want to deal with me to resolve property and other issues, and I want to be reasonable and to be able to negotiate with her in good faith. When that time comes, I feel that I need to confront her about her A so that we can clear the air and maybe develop a tiny bit of trust so that we can get this over without a lot of expense and pain. Basically, I want to tell my W that I know all about her A and about the OM, etc., but I want to give her the opportunity to come clean with me on her own (with a little persuasion from me). I feel that, if she continues to lie to me, I will not be able to negotiate with her in good faith, and she will have to just deal with my attorney. I’d prefer not to run up legal fees if we can reach an agreement on our own. I also would like to clear the air so that I can get a bit of closure in this horrible situation.
I’m looking for some advice from all of you who have gone through infidelity. I feel as though I need to do this for me. I’m not expecting any sort of breakthrough in my M. I feel that hearing the truth from her will help me (and perhaps her) to heal from this experience and move on with a little less of a bad taste in my mouth. On the other hand, I do realize that she could continue to lie and deny, but at this point, I don’t think that would do either of us any good. Thoughts?
