Well, I agree with you on one level, though I would probably use different language... but I think I get the gist of what you are saying.
The rub comes in when one spouse is holding the other hostage... in your particular example, because you are unwilling to leave your M, your W holds all the power and always will.
I believe there are things you could change about yourself that would shift this balance of power without you needing to leave the M. But given that you do not respond a lot here to people, it's hard for me to do anything with you other than general suggestions... and I don't believe those general suggestions are really going to help you.
Just out of curiosity... have you ever worked with one of the coaches from this site by phone? Would you be willing to try? It would give you a high degree of privacy...
