Quote: While the teasing and stuff she is talking about can be fun, I know when Im in a committed R, in love, I want to have sex with her pretty much everyday, so the game playing and pushing and waiting for days etc, doesnt sound too appealing.
Ever been married to an LD woman? While I think you are spot on about not taking her actions and rebuffs personally, and clearly stating what he wants, not allowing her to set the tone, etc., most LD women will not go from 1 or 2 times a week up to every day right out of the gate.
Corey:
I don't know if you've read any of NOP's posts, but if you haven't, they are worth a read. When he came to this board, he was in the same boat as the rest of us. I believe, if I remember correctly, the turning point began for both of them when they began to really 'hear' each other. They did it in baby steps. He listened to her and adjusted. She listened to him and adjusted. Then they'd take a few steps back... but it took some time for them to rebuild the trust, and to KNOW that the other person was really hearing them.
They can speak on this far better than I can, and I hope I have reported my recollections accurately here, but I think Mrs. Nop will agree with me when I say that LDness does NOT go away over night. The woman must, in whatever way she can, find her own motivation to meet it and challenge it. If she begins to experience positive behaviors from her man outside the bedroom, and have positive emotional connection with her H during sex... she will likely continue.
But in the same breath, a woman's LDness is damaging to the male ego, and while I think BF is on target with his advice in a committed R... I think it is good for both sides to experience success with one another, and use that as motivation to continue.
Many LD women have NO CLUE how deeply their actions are hurting their men. They only know that something is missing, something is gone, and quite honestly, do not realize how much power is within themselves to help change the situation. And they won't ever KNOW it until they can see and hear how they are contributing to the problem.
One of the things I find so fascinating with the whole 'attraction' aspect is it goes back to the very beginning. Everyone knows that the chemical phase lasts two years, tops. But there are things about the laws of 'attraction' that are always there, that are always in effect, even if you don't necessarily feel the chemical rush.
What I am suggesting I do not think would last over the long term (the teasing). At all. For like Mrs. Nop says, intimacy is about far more than hot sex, or being turned on by another person.
I think... though I don't know for certain... that some short-term success for both of them would at least get their guards down long enough to start hearing each other, so that Corey CAN begin to rebuild his part of the M in more constructive ways... and hopefully, she will, too.
I think that remembering what attracted you to the other in the first place is something to always keep in mind, but I think you also have to really think about what it was that you were doing then...how you were doing it, not just what. I think it is something often overlooked.
And what attracted you to that person then may not be the thing that attracts you to them now... but find what IS attracting you, focus on that, and start the process of 'attraction' in your own mind, all over again.
No, absolutely not, I do not think 'this' is the cure all. I do think, however, that 'attraction' can bring about a much needed shift in attitude and personal frequency...
