Okay, from one Corri to another, you have just got to stop this 'in your face stuff.' Getting naked in the car. Power play. Severe turn off. (I admire your grit, though).
The... hmmmm.... mistake (?) I see men make... that I experience for myself... is when I see a man confused as to how to proceed with me (because he would like to have sex, and I'm not really exhibiting any behavior that would indicate to him that I am ready to have sex)... they begin to drop subtle and not so subtle hints that sex is what they would like FROM me. This can include 'in your face behavior,' like what you did... because that is what she said at one time she'd do... (logical, but timing is way off)... or it can include groping erogenous zones without touching any other part of the body in a non-sexual way... it can be a kiss that is a bit too aggressive... it can be an outright question... "want to fool around? Want to have sex?" I mean... YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These things, especially for LD women, are a TURN OFF. Not because YOU are unattractive, but because you are placating and acting in a non-attractive manner. Begging without begging, if you kwis.
Now... Blackfoot can tell you way more about this attraction thing than I can... but the secret for me, at least... is when a man begins to act in a fashion that makes ME WANT to touch HIM... and more than likely, he has not touched me or kissed me yet.
It is a subtle invitation from him to me that he MIGHT want to play... but, at the same time, you indicate that you can (and will, if necessary) withdraw the invitation at any moment. And there is a big difference between inviting a woman to step toward you than there is in asking her to do so.... if that makes any sense.
I think a lot of times when women say that they have gotten 'bored' with men is when their men loose the radio frequency on which their women are operating. Men are like microwaves and women are like slow cookers (with the possible exception of HD wifes... but still, they can loose interest too). In the beginning of an R, men are most definitely focused in on the female frequency.
As R's progress and men go out into the world and set about the business of supporting W and potential family, THEIR frequency changes, for their focus on daily duties has changed. This happens to women, too, so I am NOT laying blame on the guys.
But... to put it bluntly... we lose our frequency for each other. Instead of having that nice crystal clear signal, we now have static interrupting the music... and it can get dam flipping annoying listening to a radio station with severe static all the time... kwis?
I don't know if this is making any sense, and maybe BF can set it all straight for you... but... my point is... if you want to be touched... then find the behaviors and amplitude that is going to make your W want to touch YOU. Otherwise, all you are going to get is 'duty' sex.
For example. Think back on a time when you were dating your W and she was really hot for you. You may be thinking to yourself, "Well... then I was in good shape, I made sure I was dressed 'cool', I brought her flowers, I took her out on a great date... and she couldn't WAIT to get her hands on me. I do that now and I get.... NOTHING. What gives?'
Amplitude. Frequency. It is not WHAT you did... but HOW you did it. It wasn't what you said... but the tone of voice with which you said things, how you looked at her... you gave off all kinds of feelings of secure, safe, sexy, attractive invitation vibes that she truly could not resist. And this, in turn, notched up her amplitude.... her frequency.
She went out with you. And then she went out with you again. And then you called her. Think not on what you spoke of on the phone... but HOW you spoke to her... how your voice sounded... how you laughed... how you sent vibes TO her.
This attraction thing is very subtle and elusive... did you at any point in your R feel that your W was the one person who 'got' you? And you thought to yourself, "oh my goodness... SHE GETS ME. I've never met anyone that really GOT me. They understand me.'
Yes. And I can tell you, it isn't about sex. (Though that is a lovely side benefit.)
Figuring out the fundamentals in the bedroom is a matter of trial and error. You futz and fiddle and fine tune. That happens over a course of time. What keeps things sizzling is the honesty and willingness to be honest and vulnerable and bare with your partner while you are futzing and fiddling and fine tuning. If you have a women who is rushing to O... you've got a problem. And you have a radio frequency/honesty problem. An attraction problem. If you are placating and she's rushing to O... attraction has gone out the window, baby and bathwater included.
Don't tell your woman how much you WANT her... lead her to a place where she understands how much she WANTS YOU... inhibition tends to fly out the window at that point...
If I must be blunt... TEASE THE HELL OUT OF HER with no promise whatsoever... almost a promise that NOTHING OTHER THAN TEASING is going to happen.
Get her turned on and let her stew. Chuckle at her good naturedly. If you are in a power play R... she will resist her own impulses just to win. She may actually even be annoyed with you.... mildly annoyed is a good sign. Outright pissed offness is not good... at least right out of the gate. If she's well and truly 'pissy' by day three, you've GOT her.
Let me ask you... would you rather wait three days for awesome sex or take a lame azz offering, in the moment, for mediocre or duty sex?
When you get that offer of... 'okay, fine, let's go,' PUHLEEZE. Look at her tenderly... give her a nice soft kiss on her forehead... a really wonderful hug, and a warm chuckle as you say, "you silly girl, I don't want to have sex with you. I'm not in the mood." Leave her hang.
Continue with subtle teasing and frequency adjustment. Rinse. Repeat. C'mon man... you picked up on it once... do it again.... don't ASK her to come to you in a weak pleading voice... don't DARE her to come to you... EWH....INVITE her to come to you with the clear message that it is HER loss if she doesn't.
Fck. I bet this makes no sense.... Hmmm... welll.... I'll leave it to BF.
Corri
P.S. HD gals, this works the other way, too, but you have to 'adjust' the formula. Mo, if you want to experiment, let me know, and we can discuss. I'd be interested to see how it would work for you.
