I understand how brutal it can be to have the person you adore say those things and I also understand your anxiety right now with your relationship. You have to keep on with the changes that got you this far. Have you reconected with your old friends? hows the guitar playing? Right now you have to make any sexual encounter pleasant this means avoid that spot at all cost. There is nothing that I know of that you can do that will change things overnight, the process will be slow and difficult. Remember those feelings when you finally understood that your wife was not sexually attracted to you, that kick in the gut? Thats your motivation to fix this mess.
You have to address this problem head on with your wife you have to become partners in figuring this out. Shes not happy with her sexlife and your not happy with yours, this should be motivation enough to be honest and open with each other and get at this problem with some solutions.
Its tough,, its hard, it sucks, its not fair but its the way it is right now you've handled your situation very well so far and I am sure that you will do well.
Here is my trite adivice that you already know. Don't try to too hard it comes across as desperate and desperate is not attractive. A bad experience around sexual activity does not make sexual activity desireable, so be carefull if things go bad in bed realy try to calm yourself down and don't react negatively to her if things get heated. Realise that in all likelyhood no matter who your wife married that the situation she would find herself in would be the same 8 years later. Start doing nice things for yourself and number one thing is exercise if you don't exercise right now join a gym and lift heavy things untill you're tired.
