I think that how uptight I am around her is more a function of our relationship than how I would be with other people. When we first got together 8 years ago, she was rather naïve, and fairly proper. This set a tone in our relationship, and I have not been able to break away from it, even though she has changed.
Our sex life stayed rather mundane and boring. That’s not to say we have used the same 2 positions for 8 years or anything, but we got into a routine, she wasn’t being satisfied, so she just wanted to get it over with whenever we had sex. This led to a war in my mind where I knew things weren’t right, but she always just told me they were fine. Anxiety kicks in, rinse, repeat, same old boring stuff.
There is one physical problem with us. She has a spot inside of her, that if I hit it, it causes her a lot of pain. It just happens to be in almost a perfect spot for me to hit.
So now it is all my fault. I am the one that has the problem. I am the one that cannot change things up. I am the one that never wants to try anything new. I am the one that is too shy for anything. Never mind that it has only been in the last year that she came out of her shell sexually.
A bit of built up resentment exists. I have felt rejected for years. Now to be told I am just not attractive to her was more painful than anything I have gone through yet.
Yesterday I did want to show her that I was not as much of a prude as she thinks. She was all bravado about driving around the city naked. So, when we were on our way home from being out, we stopped to get some drinks. I says to myself, self, it is time to get naked.
So there I am in the buff when she gets back to the car. All of her excuses come out as to why she can’t get naked. Of course, this is coming from a woman who “doesn’t care who sees her breasts.” I told her I thought she was bluffing, and drove home sans clothes.
