I hear what you are saying about letting go. I have thought that I have let go several time and just when I start to feel good and look forward to my new life. Here comes H telling me he misses me or calling me honey or something like that to bring me right back to where I started. I, too, ask H to go to counseling even if it was IC. But he said there is nothing wrong with him. Then he said that he didn't want to go so that was it. I feel a bit like Spike in that H does not know what commitment means. When did it become Ok to walk out on your family because things are going like you thought they should. H is deep in MLC and the he is hurting the people he is so supposed to love most, his sons.
I am working on detachment and I know that it is a weakness of mine. I can't seem to let go of the fact that everyone around us thought we were the perfect couple. Many of our friends were deeply disturbed by our separation. Many of our friends are less than impressed with H's behavior and that hurts me, too. I will survive, I have survived much worse than this in my childhood. I have survived physical, emotional, and sexual abused at the hands of my own family. H was the person that taught me that I was a good person worthy of a healthy relationship and love. I know that his rejection shakes my feeling of being worthy of love more than most people. However, I know that I survived my childhood and I will survive this but it will be much harder for me to trust love in a new R.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
