Soon to be divorced

[Laurie]

Dear Spike,
You first asked if it was OK to go completely dark and that you have gone dark for almost 4 weeks and have not seen him for 2 months. Well, it takes a lot of discipline to hold back trying to make contact and I applaud you for being able to do so!

As Michele writes, when someone strongly thinks they want a D and that's what you heard from him the last time you called, then going dark appears your best option. You have to ask yourself that if you tried to contact him at this time, would it impact the relationship in a positive or negative way? If you are worried that it may be risky and just irritate him that you called, you need to continue staying dark, OK?

Now, regarding your mediation. I like your plan to look good and act upbeat! However, I really encourage you to not spend too much time focusing on the Oct 16th date yet, as there are still a number of weeks when things could happen. Any new or different interaction with your h before the mediation could impact how you set goals for the mediation. Now, I am guessing you are thinking there will be no contact until mediation - and you might be right. But, let's wait and see and work through those goals as we move into October, OK?

OK dear Spike, you are definately keeping your mind on your goals and putting your energy into trying to accomplish them - more power to you!!