Soon to be divorced

[Laurie]

Well never calls me, but when I have called him he will call me back and talk a little, but then says I don't won't to talk anymore until mediation. The next time I will see him will be at mediation.

When is your mediation?

Or I have some pictures that he wants and also he has our income tax check that he wants to cash and cannot cash until I go with him to the bank. So between the bank and the mediation there are no other ways to have contact.

Can the pictures and bank trip be held off for a while? How long? If you could have a week or two to do some LRT and really get a strong relationship plan in place before you see him, I think that would be helpful for you. You would have more of a sense of what you want to accomplish when you see him, OK?


If he is seeing someone else how could he still want me?
If he is strongly infatuated with someone right now, that offers pretty strong pull toward the OW. However, just because he may be really drawn to someone else right now, does not mean there is no hope for him wanting you back. Affairs can be like addictions, they are drawn to the “drug” of infatuation and it looks really great for a while, but then reality sets in down the road and they regret their choice and want the marriage they gave up on. Read Michele’s DR book – she say’s 60% of people choosing affairs regret their decision and wishes they would have worked harder on the marriage they left!!

He mentioned to me on the phone the 3 weeks ago " If you fight me on everything in this divorce then there will be no chance for us in the future....we will be like enemy's" Then said "I'm not saying that I won't come up to Tn (where I maybe moving) and see you and try to work on something in the future". BUt I think he is just saying that to get me to back down on him in this divorce. What do you think?
I don’t know exactly WHY he is saying that. I would encourage you to think about WHAT TO DO. (As you know, it is hard to mind-read, so let’s put energy into what you CAN do, OK?) Focus on your short-term, realistic goals right now. I know they may have to be small ones for now (i.e., the mediation talk was at least neutral, he actually called me once about some D issue, he was curious about why I have not called him, we actually smiled at each other, etc., ) , but please set some goals up that you can focus on.


Also do you think I should call him and let him know that I want to meet at the bank to cash the check and if I do that how do I react and what do I say when we won't be there together long?

Let me know how long you can put off the bank visit.

To me with him not calling me AT ALL and not backing down on this then he really wants the divorce. But then he tells me "I never wanted a divorce. Just a separation. But I got so mad at your parents when they got involved with us that I could never forgive them". He is stuck on not being able to forgive my parents and won't even consider reconciling now. I don't know how to convince him. What should I do? Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to care and work with me. This means SO MUCH to me!!

I would encourage you to “let go” of apologizing for the parents. They apologized and you did – he has heard you. You have done all you can in this area. I would not discuss reconciling with him at this point, as it sounds like you have tried to convince him and it is not getting you anywhere, OK?

OK, these are your beginning steps Spike! Get back to me and we’ll take the next steps, OK? Divorce Remedy and the BB will offer you great ideas and support as well, so use them a LOT!

And you are so welcome, as I will support and cheer you on as you move forward in your relationship as you are pursuing an extremely important goal!