Quote: I am a person who likes to joke around but I realized that, somewhere along the way, I had begun to make my H the butt of my jokes instead of laughing *with* him. I was subtly-but-surely tearing him down. Benign tearing him down, sure, it was all in good fun, but the 'build him back up' part was utterly and completely missing.
You're ton of bricks shifted onto me! There are so many parts to our past (especially in the last 2 years) but this is one of them to be sure.
BEFORE I took a dive off the high springboard of sanity I was doing the same thing!! I realize now that I was 'joking around' alot... belittling him which would go along with my hostility at the time. I don't do that anymore. I do compliment and try to build him up constantly. I have seen some effects; and it seems like he is actually starting to believe me when I compliment him.
The thing is; I know that I hurt him and that's not something that you can put a time limit on to heal. I do still have guilt and know that I didn't HELP his self-confidence problem... but I do also know that I am not the 100% cause of it either.
I would give anything for a time machine and know what I know now; Know the lessons I've learned about myself. To go back to September of two years ago and take the other course. A course that would have brought us even closer together that we already were.
It's a wish that is not productive, I know.
I guess I'm feeling teary-eyed today... I opened a notepad this morning that I hadn't used in a long time. Inside; next to a list I'd made my XH had written 'H loves you'
