Hmmm... Okay... I KNOW that it's total BS. And of course when we were doing good... it wasn't my fault then... now I'm the whipping post; all because I screwed up... almost TWO years ago...
Quote: did you ask him why? I mean, if he's going to place ALL of the blame for that at your feet, you have the right to know where you went wrong, right?
I have asked... the first time he said it; he doesn't have a problem coming up with an answer to that. It's because while I was going through my own personal hell of a MLC I went on internet chat. It started out innocent but... well. Okay. I didn't meet anyone, or plan to run away with anyone and I'm still a bit confused and embarrassed about why I did it. My C says that it was an escape for me (our D/25 and S/22& his W had all moved in with us. I was forced out into the professional world after a 6 year absence and I was getting ALOT of pressure from my H about all kinds of issues... blah... blah... blah) Anyway; so yeah... I believe my C because when I was on the internet I was in my own little world. But to him... my disconnect, etc... is the reason. whatever.
It was kind of wierd; but one day I just seemed to emerge from the fog... and yeah; I had contributed to the damage of our R. Since then I have owned up and down and sideways. I have done backflips, trapize and highwire feats to prove I'm sorry. Hasn't mattered.
I guess; to my surprise... he is not a forgiving person. All along this two year ordeal we would be making progress -- reconnecting -- when he would suddenly pull back... and dredge it all up again. I do know that there WAS another woman (at work) 'advising' him. And I'm pretty sure it is because of her urging (because of something that he said about figuring out finally that he wasn't getting good advise and discovering that some people have ulterior motives)that we are D'd.
So... there is nothing that I can correct. It all has to do with the past; a past he can't put behind him. And when he tells me it's my fault (can't figure out who's fault it was BEFORE I screwed up) I guess I'm stumped. I do know I messed up and I think that he really believes now that his self-esteem problem is MY fault!!
You can't make someone forgive you. And sometimes I just really wonder why I keep hanging in there. But I would like someone to help me come up with something non-threatening and logical to tell him when he says this!!!
