First off...that's total BS in my opinion...but when he told you that his lack of confidence was all your fault....did you ask him why? I mean, if he's going to place ALL of the blame for that at your feet, you have the right to know where you went wrong, right?
I'm betting he won't be able to tell you why it's all your fault either, because it's not. His issues lay smack-dab within HIM, not you.
My H is someone who has self-esteem issues, that greatly stemm from his past....so he would treat me as he "assumed" I would behave, based on his prior examples of women in his R's. I've learned with him to call him out on his BS behavior. So, if my H were to pull that on me I'd be likely (now) to say to him. "If you really believe your self-confidence issues are my doing, tell me what I did wrong, how I damaged your self-esteem. I need to know so "I" can correct that behavior. If you cannot give me examples, I cannot correct that behavior....and help you at the same time."
Since he has self-esteem issues statements like this #1 don't point fingers at him saying "it's not my fault, it's all you!" (even if it's true), and #2 it shows him that you are willing to own up to whatever behavior you may have that may have been damaging in your R (even though this most likely has nothing to do with you.)
In a way...I guess you could say this is calling his bluff...however it's done in a quiet way. It makes it reall hard for him to continue to blame you for things...when you are obviously willing to do whatever you need to to fix your own behaviors....it kind of makes it glaringly apparent that he's not owning his own stuff when he can't come up with answers to a very simple question.
