I need some advice on how to handle this one specific problem because I have NO idea how to respond when he says it...
It is about my XH's lack of confidence or his percieved lack of confidence. (We are attempting to work our problems out and get back together.)
My XH is in a profession in which 98% of the time, he has supreme confidence in himself. But when it comes to dealing with the 'upper management' and being recongnized for his accomplishments and possibly being promoted he has ALWAYS (20+ years) lacked confidence. No matter how I would try to build him up; he didn't believe it until someone else would tell him the same thing. Actually, I don't know if it was a 'belief' issue as much as a... 'uh-huh, sure, you HAVE to say that; you're my W' kind of attitude. Another note is that when his father died about 5 years ago his confidence problem and especially decision making ability has completely deterorated. (I know; he NEEDS counciling like noone I've ever seen; but he won't go!) So the problem is, now that we have been going through our issues the almost 2 years, he BLAMES ME!
He actually tells me that he doesn't have confidence in himself anymore because of ME!
And let me clarify; I have NEVER put him down, disparaged his ability to perform at work, at home or in the bedroom. I know I have not always gushed with praise and compliments but I have never been negative or nagging. And now because I went through a mini-crisis of my own (a year and a half ago) I am suddenly to blame for his lack of self-confidence.
Maybe I'm being selfish or blind, but I do not want to take ownership of his lack of self-confidence. I mean, i don't blame him for my lack of self-esteem. I know that can only come from me.
So... okay... all of you let me have it...
When he said it to me this morning I was stumped on how to respond... as I am everytime he says it.
Should I take the blame? If not... HOW do I repond to this?
I know that my XH does have a very selective memory; but come on...
