As much as I want to believe that my W's state of mind is not what she thinks it is, she's pretty convinced. Every once in a while her saying "I was very confused about all this in the begining, but now I'm very clear" keeps popping up into my mind. I guess I'm afraid that I'm not really a good choice of mates for her, and I can never become that. I also know that as long as you see things as simple or clear, you are fooling yourself because you're only fixating on the benefit or cost.
That's the difference that I've found with W and I. We were having this conversation and she started telling me about how I am justifying my thinking and creating my own world - but I was able to honestly agree with her. I am more interested in finding truth than protecting the worldview I have now. I don't want to be adversaries with my W, and I certainly don't want to view her as being the bad one - but it's a difficult thing to let go of that. I am going to tell her to sleep in our bed tonight and I'll sleep downstairs because I think, at least to me - but probably also to her, that this is a very strong symbol of her "wrongdoing", and I don't want this to be an issue. I don't want her to feel a criminal - this creates resentment and prevents her feeling guilt. I just can't help seeing another side to this, and that's that I'm enabling her and actually rewarding her for her decisions. I'm giving up the old marriage that I seem to have been clinging to - and this is a good thing.
Thoughts?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
