No, I'm not giving up hope, but rather I'm not going to show it to her. I'm going to completely stop demonstrating that I want anything more in our relationship than I have now. I don't know if I can do this because clearly I do want a lot more, but I think I really need to try. The more I pursue, the more she runs. I need to be neutral at best in order for her to pursue even just a little bit. Reverse the roles. Be less available, make her want more of me than she has, or than she thinks she's going to have.
You know, I have seen these cycles within myself and reflected in the sitch where the same things are said meaning slightly different things each time. It's like this corkscrew effect. Slowly rising up, but each revolution you see much the same real estate. The ground we covered in the past couple of days is nothing new to me. My POV has not changed, but her understanding and acceptance of it has. I will continue to work on things, but I'm a bit torn between wanting to be a good friend to her and show her that I support her for who she is regardless of what it does for me and wanting to be sure I don't tell her that I'm ok with you treating me however you want to and I'll be here settling for whatever you give me. I'm not really OK with being just her friend, but it also may be the case that that's the only way back into her heart. Right now she's so busy making me out to be the enemy (she even said so the other day) that she hasn't been able to look at me as a friend. Hope that changes. I think the giving up hope thing will prevent her from feeling that she needs to be my enemy.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
