You know the concept of learned helplessness? I *know* there are opportunities (or at least there must be) to improve on the situation, but it seems that no matter what I do, she'll find a negative way to frame it. If I were to ask her for concrete direction, I'll just get "see, you don't know me" or something to that effect. More and more I see removing myself as the only damage control measure left. It's rough, because I hear that staying in the same house creates many more opportunities to DB, or makes the likelyhood of staying together much better. I can see the merits of this, but to some degree you always need two willing participants.

I am at peace, for the most part. Yes, she does seem childish. In fact, I think it's really remarkable how freely she lashes out. To me, this says that she really loves me, because people don't lash out like that against people they don't care about. She's also very secure in my love or else she wouldn't do that either. Yes, I have seen the tongue.

I was told the other day that I'm the cause of all her misery. So, cut out the cause and you'll be happy, right? Well, it's been 8 and a half months, and she isn't any happier. But I guess that's because she's not really with this guy. There are still obstacles there. Once she gets beyond all the obstacles, she'll be truly happy, right? What a depressing, tragic story.

Regarding talking with her - I do intend to discuss separation with her and our progress towards it. I think this will do a couple of things. It will put her at ease that I'm not in denial about anything and it will open the floor to agreeing on how we can interact to the mutual benefit of ourselves and our son.

This is a person who claimed to always want to be my friend, to always be close. Now she's doing everything she can to be rude, mean and disrespectful. Doesn't seem like she wants me in her life at all now. I guess she's changed her mind ever since she decided she wanted this other R exclusively. She had to see me as the bad guy, the person responsible for her misery, so she can justify leaving me and putting her happiness above that of our son. I wonder how long it will take her to realize that she has done this. I wonder if she'll live in this reality she constructed for years and years just so she doesn't have to eat crow. Who knows. I only know that I'll be a part of it for a limited time. I still want to save this marriage, and I'm dedicated to doing whatever I can. I think in a lot of ways, I've run out of options.

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ”
– Albert Einstein