Muddle, Could you approach her and say you'd like to work out some way to live together that will work for both of you in this situation. Tell her you know she is not interested in the M but you still have to relate to each on some level so, how would she like you to treat her (you can, of course, deal with more specifics)? You could reiterate your need to be spoken to politely (I know, I know!)) This way it is her telling you what she wants, rather than you guessing and getting S*** on. What would SHE like you to do when you appreciate something she has done. If she says nothing, then do nothing! Then when you do it and she craps on you, you can say "this is what you said you wanted, has that changed?" May be worth a try, I dunno! Lastly, I would never tell you or anyone else to stop being nice! I told my W that I would not let her or anyone else turn me into someone I did not want to be. That is so important. So, no don't be mean and call it a 180. I'm not there for that Anyway, just my thoughts for whatever they are worth to you. PS When I read your posts I get the feeling that W wants a mindreader, you know the "You should know what I need without me telling you" saga. I'm living that one too. It's not my happy place, let me tell ya!
Anyway, just my thoughts for whatever they are worth to you. 