YES, being reactive is so difficult to contain, I know! I must say her comments as you described them, "I let her agree to things like buying the car without regard for her happiness. I let her decide to stay home and lose all her friends and do nothing and not be able to get around." are so idiotic I can't imagine being able to reply to them! "You let me decide"...sorry, sweetie, YOU decided. Oh my God!!!! Maybe Muddle you should just leave her alone e.g. don't thank her , don't go out of your way to be nice it obviously seems to provoke her and to NOT be nice may actually be a 180. If your kindness ain't working, stop doing it (the cheeseless tunnel). When she lays into you with her idiocy just say "sorry you feel that way" and carry on. No explanation etc just let it go. Sorry about your son's comment, that is sooooo hard for a dad to hear. Yes, he's hurting and I hope mom listens, that's if she can get passed the "poor me" syndrome she is in!
