Muddle's Waters III

[SRTogacihC]

That is one of the toughest things I am finding...what is my W thinking. Sometimes...like Monday she was very quiet and depressed all morning but I did not pry and she will not say a thing anyway. Seems like she is in a constant internal struggle and I wish I could be privy to it. At this point I would just like to listen...but I do know it would be hard because I am sure she still feels I am a negative part of her life in a lot of ways. We have had a good couple of days and I actually hope it is making it more difficult for her...she is realizing I am not all that bad a H and things are pretty good around here if she wants them to be and gives me a chance to make changes.

I also have the same thoughts that I would like to fulfill some of her dreams and let her out to be on her own to let her experience what it means to have to get a shitty job again and worry about paying bills and to be totally alone sometimes. What it means to be a single parent. Problem is if we did separate it would not be that difficult for her because we do have money in savings that I would likely have to split...probably enough for her to live for a year in a similar lifestyle as we have now...I am not really looking forward to my savings being flushed away. Would probably be easier if we were broke.

Oh well doing my best to focus on me...started some 180s yesterday and they seemed to pay immediate dividends in my happiness and she definitely took notice and started reaching out to me. One day at a time...