Thanks. I know there's a lot to think about. My W keeps commenting on the fact that I should be with someone that treats me better than she does. Drives me nuts - because my response is always "so when are you going to start" because clearly she's aware that she's not being so nice and I can't imagine that she WANTS to be someone that acts like this. I guess it all comes down to the fact that she thinks that if she feels something she's justified acting however she feels. But this is a path she's chosen, and while I don't have to like it, I do continue to love her.
I agree that I have to involve her in any change in our living arrangements. It wouldn't make sense otherwise. I too have tried the budget thing with her, and while she's the one who reconciles the checkbook, I have done the budgeting. She refuses to look at it (it's clear to me that she feels like she won't understand it and like I'm going to have to teach her how to understand it like I'm better than she is). But, the trouble is, she'll resent me for making it her fault that she didn't do something. So, either I have to do everything (because I don't just do what needs to be done) and accept the fact that she's going to find fault in the way I execute most of these tasks, or I have to leave it to her.
Frankly, I'm feeling more and more like she's not going to look to the consequences of her decisions and actions until it's already in motion. Then it might just seem easier to go through with it. But, then again, I'm keeping things in a status quo position where she can choose to see all sorts of justifying, devaluing actions on my part and continue thinking this fantasy is something sustainable and worth destroying this life for. Again, I find myself wondering if it's not in the best interest of this marriage (and that is still, unquestionably saving it) to start progressing into separation. Going dark. Finding out the details. Giving her the responsibility that comes with being a single mom, or even someone that's not dependant.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
