IT IS PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO USED TO BE PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!!
One day when you grow up you will then be in a position to see that there people who have been in your stuation and maybe then YOU will be able to help THEM out.
Until that time try to be grateful that you have people to support you, people who have already walked in your shoes and have survived and succeeded.
Emily I have been where you are, I am a survivor.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
No one here is judging you or criticizing you and you are right, things are not the same in many rural counties as they are in the cities.
In the end though, you are the one that has to be able to look at yourself in the mirror so it really only matters that YOU know you are doing all you can do.
I know it's hard, too. With an infant and a 2 year old, alone, with no help at all.
But you can turn this whole situation around and it WON'T be by dropping the child support petition.
Many people HAVE gotten themselves off welfare with nothing but their own blood, sweat and tears but the reality is that there are some people that are generational welfare recipients and they don't WANT to change the cycle their families are in. THOSE are the people that make us angry NOT people like you who legitimately need some help.
If we did not think you were different, or that you had potential, we would not still be posting to you.
Hello Emily, I "dropped in" on this thread last night & read your posts. You have been through hell, girl. After reading the posts from today I wanted to make a comment or two that I hope will not offend. I notice that you had planned on doing a vet assistant course. I had though about that ,too when I was in my 20's (35 now). I ended up getting a 2 year degree in horticulture but now am having major problems finding a job that I'll be able to support myself on if the D my H wants happens. Because of this I spent alot of time at the US Goverment Job Outlook website (google that). What I found is when I looked again at vet assisting is that is pays rather low and the opportunities for advancement are limited. The other thing I found is that nursing assistants make about the same amount and the training is often a six week course. Once a person becomes a CNA other doors start to open. Many employers with pay for or at least help to pay for the employee to continue their education. You may be able to even get help with daycare for you children if you work in hospital type setting.I found that the LPN training typically takes about 1 year to complete and LPNs apparently make about $12-$15 per hour depending on your location. 12 X 40 hours per week =$480 X 52 weeks per year= $24,960. Not a ton of money but a good start. I have a good friend whom works in at the local hospitals' ICU area. He has a two year degree in nursing (RN) and makes close to $50,000 per year. He also works 4- 10 hour shifts and has 3 days off per week. I guess my point is that if you have the empathy,love and nerves of steel it will take to help the animals in pain maybe it wouldn't hurt to consider a profession that might help YOU more financially and set you free of any need to associate with the guy who has cruelly broken your family and your heart. If, of course thats what you decide that you want to do. Even if there are no schools really close by; if you are interested in a nursing carreer be sure to leave no stone unturned because you may be able to get relocation assistance and scholarships. You can even get lower cost student insurance through many colleges. I'd be willing to bet that there are other young mothers out there who would like to do the same sort of thing that you might be able to share a place with and work out a schooling/babysitting exchange schedule. I am seriously considering this program myself as I have just taken a job outside of my field that has the excellent benefits that I will need and will allow me to continue my education but the pay leaves a little tobe desired. Education IS the only way to independence. I have a good friend who's husband screwed around on her after 22 years of M. She was a stay at home mom most of that time and eventually worked as a teachers assistant. TAs make so little money... They divorced- she got herself together and started taking courses at the local community college in education,very, very slowly, one course at a time for a while. As she gained confidence she also gained momentum and finally got herself through 4 years of college to become a teacher. By this time she was 50 years old. She took a little time off, got a loan for educational costs and ALL of her living expenses (including a house payment)through Sallie May or one of those loan companies and earned her Master's degree. She is now at 56 years old and is the reading specialist for the elementary where she works. She said that $ was tight sometimes and she ate her share of beans to get by but she did it. You can do this too. If you want it. I just saw this friend the other day sauntering dead center down the middle of the aisle at a grocery store with her hair done just so, wearing a very nice casual outfit and a satisfied smile that gave me a great feeling that everything can and will be OK again. She lives very happily alone in her own home, her children visit often and she has created her own life without the jerk she was once married to. The hell with Kevin. It's Emily time. I think that once you get your drivers license & get your first taste of mobile freedom, you're gonna like it and feel encouraged about all the otions out there for a woman like you. You can do this AND you can find a way to not only keep your girls AND be a positive role model for them whom can lead them into their adulthood. Sorry to write book....
Quote: Just curious and I am not trying to make you feel like crap or anything, but if you had a full time job, why didn't you keep it? Why didn't you just find a place to live there and continue on your own? You could have worked and gotten a little help as needed.
I tried t2sp . . . I had been working there about 3 weeks only. I hadn't gotten my first paycheck yet (it was 4 days away). . . I begged my H to let me stay until I got that first check and I would move out. He refused. He sent me packing to my Mom's house. SOOOO . . I called and my manager (great guy) tried EVERYTHING to transfer the job for me. But there were NO stores in the area. It was National Vision . . which was in Wal-Mart BUT not owned by Wal-Mart . . . all the vision centers up here are Wal-Mart owned. So I had to quit. He said he would give me a good reference though . . since it was the circumstances and since I was a good worker etc. So . . .after I get my license I may be able to get a job at the Wal-Mart vision center. Unfortunately Wal-Mart is 45 minutes away . . . so . . . yeah!
Well so far today . . I went to those sites that RB said about. HotJobs.com didn't have anything for my area. Monster.com didn't come up with anything I could do either!
Other than that I rearranged the furniture because my Mom was getting rid of some carpet so I took it for my livingroom! That's been my day so far . . .
Emily - SW gave you some excellent advice about nursing training - the demand is huge and only going to grow as we boomers get old.
(And btw Emily, I don't know how your thread became a referendum on the welfare system, but I totally understand how it is necessary for a mom of two small children abandoned by her husband. Don't ever feel bad about taking that help. I also worry that you may be suffering from some depression - not a big surprise given the circumstances and having had a baby this year - but maybe you should discuss the possibility with your doctor? They might be able to help you with the mood swings.)
As for a job right now - lots of jobs never make it to those listings. Will the state pay for child care if you return to work? If so, type up a resume and go knocking on doors - visit every business in town and leave your resume with the manager. Someone just might be impressed enough with your drive to give you a job.
If child care won't be paid for - consider looking for a job in a preschool. Some of them will let the teachers bring their own kids for free or reduced rate. Or consider waitressing in the evenings? These are temporary fixes, of course.
You can do this. Try thinking outside the box a little, get creative - you're a bright girl.
Thanks! I know that LPN and NA and all those positions are needed. But I honestly don't think I could do it. Animals are so different. I don't know why. I can stomach dog puke/run/infections/smells/blood/cuts/etc etc etc. . But on a human . . . I just don't think I could see all that. Don't ask me why it's different but it is. I also know that the VA isn't great . . . I just wanted my foot in the door at a vet. office . . . I'll work my way up from there. Around here the vet's offices are crazy (the local vet drives 2 hours to work . . because they couldn't find anyone closer.) I just want my foot in the door . . I'll find away to use it later in life. I'm not worried about making big bucks. . . I'll work my way up . . . I'd take part time for 5.15 an hour.
Quote: I'm not worried about making big bucks. . . I'll work my way up . . . I'd take part time for 5.15 an hour.
Reality check here, honey - if you are going to be a single mom raising two kids, you need to be thinking about how to make enough money to be financially stable. You need to aim high. Kids are expensive. I think the point that was made to you is that V.A. jobs just don't pay very well even when you work your way up.
I'm not saying you have to give up your dream of working with animals, but you might need to plan for a position or business that would pay you better. Try this exercise - sit down and write out a budget for what you'd like to provide for your kids. What would rent or a house payment on a home for the three of you cost in your area (or in the area you would like to live in)? Remember to factor in the cost of living in a good school district.
How about health insurance? Let's assume your H is unable or unwilling to insure the girls through his job. Find out what health insurance for the three of you would cost. I know my girlfriend pays over $600 a month for a policy for her, her husband and her son.
Then add up childcare, food, car payments, gas, car insurance, clothes, piano lessons, braces, whatever - I think you'll see pretty quickly that a V.A. salary is not going to cut it. Aim higher, my dear.
(And - now that I've freaked you out - go to the library and take out The Tightwad Gazette by Dacyzyn for inspiration on how you can stretch your dollars and use creativity to give your kids a great childhood.)
Quote: (And - now that I've freaked you out - go to the library and take out The Tightwad Gazette by Dacyzyn for inspiration on how you can stretch your dollars and use creativity to give your kids a great childhood.)
That reminded me of the Halloween costume I made when my son was 3. He still talks about it at almost 14! We didn't have much money at all back then so I had to make a costume. I took an old pair of white stirrup pants and cut them to fit him. I saved the bottoms of the legs. I cut up an old black shirt into a couple dozen little circles and glued them all over the pants and one of his white sweatshirts. I took one of legs that I'd saved and made a hat for him and covered that with circles too. I rolled up a bunch of aluminum foil like a tail, covered it with the last of those white pants, put a couple black circles on it and pinned it on his butt. Then I bought black makeup for $1 and colored a circle around one of his eyes. He was a Dalmation.
3 years ago I took a box and cut out a circle at the bottom of it just so my daughter, then 7, could step into it and pull it up around her waist. I took strings and strung them to the box so she could "wear" it around her shoulders. We then wrote "PUPPIES FOR SALE" on the front of the box and I put her hair in dog ears (pigtails) and colored a circle around one of HER eyes...threw about 2 dozen beanie baby dogs into the box with her and she was officially a box of puppies for sale that Halloween. I walked behind her that whole night picking up beanie babies that were dropping out of the hole in the bottom of the box. My sister was with us and we were cracking up all night. At every house we went to the people told her what a great costume she had.
This year is her last Halloween and I still don't have a lot of money.
I'm trying to get her to be "grapes".
I want to pin purple balloons all over her clothes.
