Quote: Scenario Two - you stay on assistance, H pays his $800 to the state (plus whatever they want to ding him for back support) you receive $350 but also free rent, Medicare, food stamps, access to other programs - all adding up to way more than $800
I don't receive free housing . . and if you read ANY of my last thread you would understand how deperately I need MORE money than I am receiving now. I can't afford diapers for the girls half the time. I can't afford to turn up my heat . . . I can't afford anything really. I am receiving the MAXIMUM I can receive . . . it's ALL WONDERFUL. But the cash just isn't enough. PLAIN AND SIMPLE . . . what I get isn't enough. YEAH I KNOW SO I NEED TO BUCK UP AND GET A JOB. I AM TRYING. I've reapplied with the local CarrerLink . . . it's like a temp agency. But work in this little town is hard to find.
If I do not start to receive more . . . I will have to give up the girls. I just went through this awful cycle. I CANNOT SUPPORT THEM. Yes . . maybe my H and I are poor when we are together . . . but at least I have help. I was going to give the girls up if he did not want them . . . because yes they have food and a roof over their heads. BUT IF I CANNOT AFFORD basic things . . .THEY DESERVE BETTER.
Quote: Scenario one: you drop the support order, he pays you the $800, but you no longer qualify for medicare or food stamps or free housing because as far as the state is concerned, you are now "with" your H and his income looks like yours. You would be way worse off financially, right? I don't know. If I dropped the support order it would only be because I had FULL access to ALL of his funds! I wouldn't do it for a pay off rate. YES that would be stupid.
I also wanted to add . . . that Kiya and Felina are the only two receiving medical aid now. I don't qualify anymore because I am over 21 *well 21* and I am not sick or pregnant. So I'm screwed anyway. There are always the programs like CHIP that would pick up Felina . . . and honestly because of Kiya's situation. NO MEDICAL would pick her up now because it's a preexisting condition (I think) so . . the state would have to keep her on their roll until she is better. At least out of the woods on this thing.
For the first 6 months my H and I were seperated I received a little bit of money from him and I survived without the state aid (well I got medical because I was pregnant . ) No food stamps or cash assistance. It's really not that hard to live without them. The medical for the girls is the only thing I care about. Food is easy enough to get for the girls. Kiya's the only half way expensive one. That 800.00 would be a blessing! True miracle.
I will tread VERY carefully . . and take all this into consideration. I know I just stand this place anymore. I CANNOT stand feeling like I cannot take care of the girls any longer. I am trying. BUT I need help and the state just loop holes everything so horribly. I understand it is to make people want to get jobs. . . BUT when they are so limited in the area . . . it's really awful. Anyway . . I will talk to my H tonight. . . Apply the DBing that Frank talked about. See what he is willing to do in terms of money. AND try to choose what is best. If it ends up meaning . . .well let's just not go there.
Quote: If I do not start to receive more . . . I will have to give up the girls.
EMILY!
LET THAT BE THE LAST TIME YOU MENTION GIVING UP THE GIRLS. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION AND YOU REALLY NEED TO START LETTING YOUR MOUTH WORK FOR YOU INSTEAD OF AGAINST YOU.
No one here is judging you. We know you are between a rock and a hard place. We're just trying to keep a dialogue going so the possible avenues remain before your eyes. We know it is very easy to start to get a narrow vision when things are so bleak. We are trying to help you figure something out and eventually WE WILL HAVE A BREAKTHROUGH. But YOU simply MUST stop speaking negatively. The spoken Word created the universe and all that is within it. When you speak, your words have the power to tear YOUR world apart. Think about it. Do you speak what God says or do your words play right into that hands of the enemy? I'd say you are under, at the very least, a generational stronghold of the enemy. The first thing faith moves is your mouth. Yes, that's even before it'll move God.
Remember how we were when we were 21? We thought we knew everything and even though people who were older may have given us advice we thought that we knew better.
I think Emily knows exactly what she wants and how to go about doing it. To her right now Kevin is a posession to be had and a means of survival. This isn't about love, DBing, or anything else in that regards. He supposedly is a prize to be won, and to be the one chosen over Cassie. It is a nice sentiment to hear that he loves her and wants to make it right a few days before the support hearing.
Nobody wants to give up their kids, most of us would clean toilets to earn money to feed our babies. Nobody wants to live off of the system understandably, but it is hard to get off of the system. I have seen many people who would rather struggle then get themselves some self respect and a paying job with benefits.
I also know that she can get her tuition paid for if she returns to school or some type of job training and get childcare benefits. There is also a free preschool called Head Start.
There is help with heating, whether it is for oil or electricity through her local Town. It is called fuel assistance.
She can get WIC for the kids for juice, eggs, cheese, cereal, milk,tuna, carrots and peanut butter and formula if needed.
Each local pregnancy crisis center donates diapers and wipes for free if there is a need.
Winter clothes are also donated to local DHSS for the asking. They give out vouchers.
There are many resources available. I worked with teens in crisis in my area and was surprised at how much was freely given.
Nobody thinks that what Emily is going through is easy. It isn't, but some people have to learn for themselves the hard way. They have to fall on their faces a few times before they can eventually get it together.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Man you guys are having a hay day with me aren't ya?
Quote: I think Emily knows exactly what she wants and how to go about doing it. To her right now Kevin is a posession to be had and a means of survival. This isn't about love, DBing, or anything else in that regards. He supposedly is a prize to be won, and to be the one chosen over Cassie. Thanks for clearing that up for ME! I'm glad the YOU know what's going on in my head . . .cause I'm not sure I've even caught on yet! Well I guess if that's the case I should just leave this site right now . . cause that's no way to be. If I only wanted Kevin for his money . . . well for one thing I wouldn't have ever dated him and if it was only about money . . . I could go out and find some random guy to support me.
The heat help is called LIHEAP here and it starts in October and runs through April. Trust me I know all the programs available.
In this area I haven't found a place like that crisis center . . I'm sure they have them in cities. I just ask my Mom for the help if I absolutely can't figure out another way.
My parents are paying for me to do that Vet. Assisant program. I swear I'm getting it together. . .
It's whatever . . . I guess I'll just sit back and watch since you all know exactly what I am thinking and what I am going to do . . no more point in me chiming in on my own thread now is there?
I just caught this . . and quite frankly it pi$$es me off
Quote: Nobody wants to live off of the system understandably, but it is hard to get off of the system. I have seen many people who would rather struggle then get themselves some self respect and a paying job with benefits.
HOW MANY F-ING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL I AM LOOKING FOR A "paying job" with "benefits" Good God people . . . . I'm not just some worthless peice of crap! I've held down jobs
It's people that THINK LIKE YOU! That make honest people like ME. . . feel like [censored] because they need the help. I HATE PEOPLE THAT ASSUME EVERYONE RECEIVING ASSISTANCE IS A PEICE OF [censored]! Some of us are human . . . we just need a little help.
It's help I wouldn't need if my H hadn't kicked me out. I had a FULL time job down there. . . . I could have survived. . . but hell no. Now up here I haven't been able to find one.
Quote: It's help I wouldn't need if my H hadn't kicked me out.
I had a FULL time job down there. . . . I could have survived. . . but hell no.
Now up here I haven't been able to find one.
Just curious and I am not trying to make you feel like crap or anything, but if you had a full time job, why didn't you keep it? Why didn't you just find a place to live there and continue on your own? You could have worked and gotten a little help as needed.
Quote: It's people that THINK LIKE YOU! That make honest people like ME. . . feel like [censored] because they need the help. I HATE PEOPLE THAT ASSUME EVERYONE RECEIVING ASSISTANCE IS A PEICE OF [censored]! Some of us are human . . . we just need a little help.
I don't think anyone is saying your are screwing the government or anything. Some people do need some temporary help. It is just the ones who do it for years and years and don't even try to get a job or do for themselves. I understand you are looking for one and on top of that you just had a baby. Jobs do not come easy anymore.
I get irritated about the welfare, food stamps and such because of the ones who abuse it. My SIL is one of them. She is nothing like my H and the rest of his family. It is actually a half sister. She has been on food stamps for many years now and it is because she is too lazy to get a real job. She and her boyfriend do tree work (when they need money or feel like it). It aggrevates me because it is my tax money that is supporting her. It has been times where my H and I used to run into her in the store and she would have big packages of pork chops, steak, etc... and here I had hot dogs and ground beef. It isn't fair. I try not to think of everyone like her. In your case it is understandable that you are getting help. You are supporting 2 kids by yourself.
I don't think people that have posted on here were talking about you specifically. They were just making a point. You are taking the first step already by checking into getting your drivers license. I was 21 before I got mine. It was only because my sister had 2 accidents after she got hers and I was scared to drive. Once you get that, jobs will be easier to come by. You can drive to them without having to get someone drive you. You will feel like a new person when you can come and go on your own without waiting for a ride.
Good luck with everything.
Oh yea, I think I know why everyone says things to get you so worked up....it is because when you get worked up and mad, you tend to step up and you work yourself through whatever it is you are having a problem with. Getting mad seems to get your mind working better. Do like I do though, listen to what you want to hear and that way if someone says something, just ignore it.
Last edited by trying_2_stay_positive; 09/07/0612:23 PM.
