I hope you are really understanding and absorbing the good advice you are getting here. Sometimes I think you want people to give you specific instructions about what to do and exactly how to respond to your dirtbag husband, but the advice you are getting is about much deeper issues and if you follow it, you won't have such a difficult time handling Kevin when he calls or does something retarded.
I hope you realize how important it is for you to learn that you must take control of yourself and your family, and that you can't control Kevin. You are making your own drama here---waiting for Kevin to call and flying off the handle and whatever crap he vomits from his mouth. Sit down, think really hard about what you want from your husband and tell him what he has to do to get you back, and in the mean time, while he is proving his love and committment to you, you are securing the care for your girls (regardless of what promises come out of his mouth, never compromise on his financial support of your children) and taking care of your self. Make a choice to move forward with your life with out him (I don't mean divorce, you don't need to divorce him to move forward.) Please, show your girls that they have strong dependable role model in life, someone who can kick the obstacles life throws out of her way.
There are so many inspirational stories here, of people who learn to take care of themselves while their spouses are in a crazy fog or working through a MLC. Get motivated from them! Start to think about what you want, you deserve to follow *your* dreams, not just sit around and wait for him to change, make a decision or whatever.
My advice to you is this: if he calls talk about the girls, don't bring up your M. Whatever he says to you, stay strong with your boundaries-- it's great that he wants to put your name on the bank account, but it doesn't change the fact that he has to support his children. All his promises, proclamations of love and so on, just remember he doesn't have good track record, and if h really means it, he will not have problem showing you OVER TIME how serious he is. Remember, talk is cheap.
Quote: 1. Based on rules set by Pennsylvania and Federal law, when payments are received, how is the money divided up for support, arrears, and fees?
The payment is first applied to current support, and money remaining is applied to arrears, and fees are paid last.
So say the child support calculator says he has to pay you $400 per month.
Since he owes the state now, they may take $500 from his check each month, but you still get your $400 and the REST goes to pay back the state (that's the arrearage).
Quote: What does Assignment of Support Rights mean? If you receive cash benefits, all support including arrears (back support) will be paid to the State. This is called "assignment of support rights" and is required by law. When cash benefits stop, you will get current support but arrears may go to the State to repay the cash and other reimbursable assistance that you received for your family. Reimbursable assistance is the cash assistance and other assistance such as childcare and transportation that you and your family received. The State can only collect arrears equal to the arrears assigned to the State or the total reimbursable assistance, whichever is less. Medical support may be paid to the State. The State will only keep medical support up to the amount paid under the Medical Assistance Program. Click here for more information about child support payments.
What is a Support pass-through? Every month that the amount of child support owed is paid on time for a family receiving assistance, DPW pays a portion of the child support to the custodial parent or caretaker. This is called the child support pass-through. A family will receive up to $50 in child support pass-through, regardless of the number of children. The support pass-through is based on the part of the support payment that Federal law allows Pennsylvania to keep, which is about 54 percent. For example:
If DPW collects $111.24 or more of current child support in November 2005, the support pass-through for December is $50.00.
If DPW collects $100 of current child support in November 2005, the support pass-through for December is $44.95.
SO actually . . I'll probably be getting LESS than I am receiving now. I would like to cancel it (being my state aid) as soon as I start receiving money from him but I'm scared they'd take it anyway and leave me with nothing Someone else posted something . . . I didn't get a chance to read it though.
Quote: My advice to you is this: if he calls talk about the girls, don't bring up your M. Whatever he says to you, stay strong with your boundaries-- it's great that he wants to put your name on the bank account, but it doesn't change the fact that he has to support his children.
EVERYONE keeps saying this. and DON'T I KNOW IT! But read the post right before this one. . . maybe you will understand my issue.
I COULD CARE LESS WHAT KEVIN WANTS RIGHT NOW!!!! I WANT MY GIRLS TAKEN CARE OF!
I am tired of just squeaking by . . . It's been cold here and I just bundle everyone up cause I can't afford my gas bill hardly now . . . let alone when the heat has to start going on. It seems crazy. I know he could pay these bills without even blinking. CANCELING THE SUPPORT IS ABOUT POSSIBLY GETTING MORE MONEY! I see all the problems with it. . . but I also see where it could be 10X's better. UGH
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to cancel the support . . . because I want him to have to pay . . . but good God right now I need more than his little help. I need his BIG help . . . at least until I get my license and a job. . . then he can take off again and we can get divorced.
You need to get on the phone and get that BS clarified.
How the HELL can they take your CS and STOP your benefits? I'm telling you that's not what happens. FAMILIES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WOULD BE ON THE STREETS!
Amy, what Emily is saying is accurate. I was on welfare in California a few years back and that's how it worked. My ex paid his child support directly to the DA, and they allotted me $50.00 of the support, on top of what I got from them. If he paid me directly, I had to report it as income and they lowered the amount of cash aid I received by whatever he paid.
I can't live on $350.00 dollars a month any better than $300.00
Especially not when I looked up roughly what he would be giving me and it ranged from $650.00 - 800.00 a month. So they'll be keeping OVER half of what I receive from him and giving me $50.00 for it. THAT's crap. That is directly from the PA CHILD SUPPORT WEBSITE. The lady there (my case worker no long works there either) so the lady I talked to told me I what I needed to bring. But she said I'd have to talk to the Welfare Office about the cash assistance thing. I called and my case worker there was unavailable. AREN'T THEY ALWAYS *rolls eyes* I'm thinking about trying to drop the case and taking that leap of faith with me H. What do you think? Would it be REALLY stupid?
Quote: Amy, what Emily is saying is accurate. I was on welfare in California a few years back and that's how it worked. My ex paid his child support directly to the DA, and they allotted me $50.00 of the support, on top of what I got from them. If he paid me directly, I had to report it as income and they lowered the amount of cash aid I received by whatever he paid.
