Quote: Emily, You're smart, you know how to use computers and you know how to use the internet. There are jobs for at home data entry, medical transcription and other stuff.
Hey Emily,
I was thinking the same way FrankD was - get a job that works out of the home. You seem very computer savy - there are probably some things you can do out of the home. I think there is medical insurance billing that can be done. I am not knowledgable about this, but perhaps others are.
I would also get that driver's license! Can't work towards that dream "Pimped Out Ride" without a license to drive it!!!
The craziness that is my H has struck once again. I am fine. . . . he's just crazy this time.
He calls me lastnight and left a message (I was outside) which said, "Emily I know you hate me . . . BUT I still love you. I really do have an explaination for this weekend. I'll call you later OK!?" So later he called and he starts cry and crap again. Saying that he loves me and he wants to fight for it. He kept saying I know you hate me but if you file for the divorce I won't sign it. He said he went over his spending limit on his phone (never heard of this) but I guess he can only have like 200 minutes (other than incoming and nights and weekends) and he went over them . . . so until he made a payment he didn't have phone. THEN he proceeded to say that he spent the whole weekend in the truck . . because he couldn't get a ride without a phone. I must be stupid right! I asked him about a payphone . . . and I don't remember exactly what he said. He wants to get together before the support hearing next week and put my name on HIS bankcount (I'll keep my seperate one NO MATTER what). He wants us to start over. I said something about everything that DBing says and he replies, "So why is it that now when I'm ready to come back . . . when I want to be with you MORE than the day I married you. . . are you ready to quit." He asked me to just trust him until next Monday when we started to mesh everything back together. Is this some crazy ploy . . . is this the last straw on the camel back cracking or could it be the divorce busting . . . .
HOW DO I REACT NOW? Do I still cut off contact? WHAT TO DO? I feel so bad for him . . . this poor confused man . . that just wants me to try to trust him again. He's trying to make up his mind . . . can't I make it a little easy on him?
Do you want him back? If you do...then at some point you are going to have to trust him and let him back in your life. I know it is difficult when you feel like you are getting past something to take the chance of letting it start all over and maybe be eventually back to square one. If you do choose to let him back in I would make him work for it...take your time...one step at a time...make him prove himself...seems like his mood changes like the seasons and you are too important to put yourself through a constant hell. I understand it is a huge decision.
Had to go back and read some of your older threads to catch up...you are still so young...you have a chance to do anything you want to do...is he worth it?
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
Emily, make no decisions now just based on one (MORE) phonecall.
Don't jump back in with both feet.
Don't start calling him, either.
Stay DISTANT and let HIM do the talking.
You can validate if he starts talking about the relationship, try very hard to see things from his point of view.
There were A LOT of reasons he got off course and having a family with another baby on the way and a crappy job (back then) only added to the issues he brought INTO your marriage.
You have to see and understand that the problems were and are MUCH DEEPER than Cassie. She was just a symptom remember? Like a sore caused by the herpes virus . EWWWW!
Be careful, Emily. I do like to think of the best of people. But I don't trust your husband this close to that support hearing. I'm sorry. But I had to say it.
Quote: Like a sore caused by the herpes virus . EWWWW!
YUCK EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I laughed sooo hard at this.
I know I just kept saying that, "Kevin I feel like you are using me to get out of that support." That's why he offered to put my name on the bank account that all his money get direct deposited into . . I think. It would be A LOT easier financially on ME if I could work this out outside of court. It's too late now though. I told me we can explain the sitch. to the people there and see what they say. He said he won't be mad if he has to pay me support but he said, "That's not us being together though Emily. I want you to trust me. I want US to be US again. etc etc etc"
I just don't know . . . . It's so confusing. I want to take the leap . . . I want to trust that it can be fine . . . like I am doing with Kiya. I mean once my name is on that account he needs ME to take it back off. . . . soo . . . hmmm is that forward progress?
Good lord. I do understand that the Whore was just a symptom . . . . but what do I do now?
Stay DISTANT and let HIM do the talking. I definately did this. It frustraighted him. He just kept saying stuff about now that he wanted to fight his way back etc etc etc I was done and he'd cry and say it wasn't fair. He said stuff about how now that he was making decent money it was the girls and I that deserved it . . . so he wanted my name on his bank account etc etc etc.
Absolutely, positively do not call off the support meeting in exchange for him putting your name on the account. It's a nice show of good faith on his part, but honestly, means nothing concrete - he can go out any day and open another account and have his check deposited elsewhere.
If he's truly sincere about getting back together, then he won't mind paying the support through official channels. And you may not have an option to cancel anyway since you are receiving state benefits - in my state, if you're on welfare, the child support HAS to be processed through the state.
I agreewith you, the phone story sounds flaky - he couldn't borrow someone's phone for 10 seconds to call and let you know he had no phone? Granted, he may just be in the last throes of getting Cassie out of his life - or he may be doing drugs on the weekend - or whatever. Just CALMLY state what are reasonable expectations for a man who says he wants to get back together: - signs on to pay his support - calls to let you know when he's going to flake out on you
Gee - doesn't seem like too much to ask now, does it??????
However I am barely scraping by on what I am making from the state now. If he pays child support then they take all the extra to pay them back for what I was receiving. I simply cannot live like this anymore.
So would I rather continue living on 300 a month that doesn't pay the bills half the time .. . let alone buy diapers. Or would I rather take a leap of faith and shoot for his 7/800 a week?!?!?!?
That's my major hang up . . . I NEED that money.
It's all well and good that the state wants their money back. I understand that. . . . but jeesh a person has to live.
That's why I say it would be easier to settle this out of court.
I can cancel my stuff at any time . . . especially if I added him back to it because I wouldn't be eligible anymore! I can only do this because we never got anything drawn up legally about us being seperated and there is no D in the works. I did this before.
. . . and look where it got me?
WHAT TO DO?????
I don't know what to do . . .
I thought the exact same thing about him opening another account and yatta yatta yatta.
I'm worried about ALL of this.
I cannot get by on this crap I am getting now . . . it just doesn't cover my ass enough. But that leap is HUGE and I'm scared.
I know the whole thing in the bible where it talks about the birds not worrying about where their next meal comes from because He has them "covered" (I don't know exactly what it says) . . . that keeps running through my mind. But I don't know which way it's suppose to make me lean.
.