Wow Emily you are getting really good ADVICE HERE. YES NOONE CAN SPECIFICALLY KNOW THE AGONY YOU ARE IN,,, but we all have had agony of our own and are trying to help you thru it. You are doing better today it seems and I want to say that makes me feel better.

Santhony is sooooooooo right about detaching it does not mean I GIVE UP, etc. etc. It does help the pain to get difused some. It really , really does.
The pain on top of the OW part of it is what you have been focusing on for awhile and yes baby it hurts like %%$##$^%&. Insert any term there!!

I remember after I found out @ OW and he would go to the " gas station" for something or just have the balls to talk to her outside in his truck for sometimes close to an hour. I felt as though:
I could not breathe ,,
I wanted to choke the living daylights out of him,,
I wanted to scream at him,,
I wanted to tell him to get his sh*t together and get theF*CK out,,,
Throw my damn stilettto at his face
Oh honey I could go on and on and on...
... But every damn time he walked in the door or made me feel worthless. I remembered my worth and I faked a big smile and never said too much. I do remember telling him to have a good life with her,, etc. etc.. and I was serious.

... and well you know my sitch... H*ll he still has the damn tattoo and will snuggle me and actually want me to lay on it,, he does not literally say " lay on the tattoo of her name on my chest " but he pulls me by him and thats exactly where it is.
It has taken alot for me to get past this...{{ insert Stillettos once again ...can I throw it at him??? }}}}
LMAO....

You will have your trials but you need to focus on you and getting stronger, and everyone here is giving you fantastic ways to do it. You have a great support system here. Really try to be more fluid and take in what they are telling you and try it on see if it fits and make the changes.
I took a cold hard look at myself and while I know my H is no Saint I realized I had some things I could get rid of and did so.
The old me would not have been so tolerant and smiley while he was killing me on a Daily Basis.
I am not saying that you are bad and Kevin is right,, what I would like you to see is that BY letting go and being the best you ,, your life will be so much richer.

My changes have literally affected every relationship in my life. I am being honest and sincere. I really do care alot about you ,, I even talk to my kids about you,, my little ones think I know you from High School ,, {{ yeah right I am an old lady compared to you }}} and my 14 year old son knows your struggles because he knows I come here {{BB}} for peace. I have asked all my 4 children to pray for you. My 17 year old lives with Grandma and I do not talk to him much otherwise he would be praying for you too.

...hang in there honey you can do this. WE ALL BELIEVE IN YOU
God bless...