Your rage is justified and we all understand that. What we are trying to make you see is that you can not take it so personally, Kevin is a lost man right now. I know it is hard NOT to take it personally when he waltzes in and out of your life and the lives of his daughters but you have to find the way to step back a little and realize that Emily, this is NOT about YOU.
YOU were not the perfect, just as I wasn't and all the other wives on here aren't and all the other husbands on here were not perfect either. We all know that. None of us is or was worse than the other. Fact is, we all ended up here, didn't we?
We're older than you and have our share of hard lessons already under our belts and we are just trying our damnedest to try to spare you more pain than you're already in.
Yep. You didn't get the pick of the litter when you married Kevin. Tought sh*t. You have said yourself that you know you are called to stand. Well as sure as God made that clear to you, He will make other things clear to you. BUT NOT ONE MOMENT BEFORE YOU ARE READY.
Emily, I challenge you to do two things this week. One, set things in motion to get your license. Two, look for a job.
Those are things that will help you to feel better about yourself and that is absolutely the most critical thing that you lack; self esteem.
You MUST get out of that apartment and be a functional adult. It doesn't matter the level at which you function right now, just THAT you function SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN IN THAT APARTMENT AS YOU HAVE BEEN.
You can't change what Kevin is doing right now but that's not your calling. Your call is to stand. Your call is to let God raise YOU up to be the best wife you can possibly be. That's a work that is just between you and God. Your FLESH is all that stands in the way. Stop being a slave to your flesh, your feelings. Let go and turn your life over to God.
You believe. Start from scratch. Get on your knees and confess every sin you can recall. Ask God into your heart. He will do the rest. You just have to be a willing vessel. He will do nothing until you let Him deal with YOU.
THEN when HE HAS RAISED YOU UP, all of hell is going to tremble when you step out to reclaim your marriage.
It starts with you, though.
It starts with you.
And Emily, if Kevin doesn't show up at that child support appointment, that's Kevin's problem. YOU show up and do what YOU have to do.
Kevin showing up or not showing up is KEVIN'S problem ALONE.
