I told you all I would stand . . . but as soon as I made that decision . . . I went right back into that hole. That black hole. . .
I cannot stand. It drives me crazy. I can't do any of this. I am so scared. No matter what it's going to hurt. I feel so trapped . . . so hurt. . . so lost and soo alone. I don't have anyone to turn to. No one knows these feelings. I am such an emotionally closed person. I tell everyone I'm fine. I tell them NOTHING he does bothers me. They all ask ALL the time. I don't know how to reach out. I don't know how to not put on that mask and hide it all. I'm soo worried about everything.
I'm scared about the girls. . I'm scared about EVERYTHING that I need to do. It all seems so overwhelming. I don't even want to start . . it all feels like too much. I'm scared to death to do all of this by myself.
I would love to be strong enough to fight the good fight. But . . . I doubt myself.
Look at me. I've kept myself trapped for so long. I never got my divers license (BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARED. . I purposely failed the test the first time my parents FORCED me to take it. The second time I passed . . . but I refused to get my license) I am scared of taking that test with someone. I'm scared to make a mistake. I can drive . . . but it's the fear of failure that scares the hell outta me I think.
