Quote: If you're sure you are ok I will go to bed. My D11 starts high school for the first time tomorrow so I don't want to be grumpy with her in the morning! Well then go ahead! GOOD LUCK.
I just keep thinking about everything you said about faith Amy. How I have to walk in faith. OH GOD . . it's like God asking me to step out of that boat alone and walk TO HIM. The first step is soooooooooo scary. I'm scared to lay my heart back out on that line. I'm scared to death of sinking to the bottom. Must be my faith isn't strong enough
You need perspective. Your life does not revolve around Kevin. But your girls lives DO revolve around you. So you have to get a grip. Your emotions HAVE to stop being moved so violently by every little rock of the boat.
You think too much of Kevin and give him too much influence in your life. Yes, he is your husband and yes you ARE called to stand, and not just for your marriage but to stand in the gap as a believer to the saving of his soul.
But what does it really mean to be a believer?
Tell me that.
What do you think the fact that you believe in Jesus means for your life today?
Quote: You need perspective. I agree. Your life does not revolve around Kevin. But your girls lives DO revolve around you. So you have to get a grip. Your emotions HAVE to stop being moved so violently by every little rock of the boat. little rock? Hell Amy . . . He sunk it faster than the titanic. He has totally run again.
You think too much of Kevin and give him too much influence in your life. Yes, he is your husband and yes you ARE called to stand, and not just for your marriage but to stand in the gap as a believer to the saving of his soul.
But what does it really mean to be a believer?
Tell me that.
What do you think the fact that you believe in Jesus means for your life today? I have no clue . . . honestly. As of today it means that I just have another big battle raging. I don't know exactly what it means for me today. I only know that I could be free and run and do whatever I wanted . . . play and be free and have NO boundaries. But I do have them. Because I believe. I believe in the vows I took. I believe that he wants me to do this. It means I have a never ending well of peace . . . if I would only allow it in and NOT touch the sitch. again. I have a problem giving it away and staying away from it.
Please help me figure it all out though. I'm sure exactly what I should be doing right now. Please help me outline the motions I need to go through. Please help me set good ROCK HARD boundaries for myself. I will stand. If you will help me understand what it means to stand . . . and how exactly I need to get myself in line and geared up to do it. PLEASE!
I also have a question. That support conference is next week. What happens if Kevin doesn't come?
Quote: I JUST FEEL SO LOST . . . and I don't know what to do.
What you have to do is stop obsessing about your H and start focusing on you. I know, it's easier said than done. You have to DETACH from all of this bullsh-t, Emily. What he does with the OW has nothing to do with you. Whether he calls or not has nothing to do with you. Stop owning HIS issues and work on the ones that ARE yours.
Believe me, I know it's hard. I have to remind myself every day of the need to detach. I have to tell myself every single hour sometimes that it isn't ABOUT ME. It's ABOUT HIM. You have to let your H go and do the things he needs to do, and that doesn't mean giving up on him or your marriage. I heard the phrase here recently that you have to give the WAS all of the rope you can -- so that they can hang themselves with it! Sometimes, it helps when I envision this re: my H. I am sad when my H doesn't call for days, or when he doesn't respond to a call for 24 hours or more...but rather than call him up and tell him what an a$$hole he is and how it's OVER, I just focus on other things and try to get through that horrible moment. And usually, after a good cry or venting to someone else, I feel okay and I can stand again...and leave him alone to figure out his own issues. And I believe that each day that goes by where I detach a little and give him all of the space he needs, I am showing my H that I respect his needs right now. Are you respecting his need to be away, Emily? Or are you so focused on how this whole situation makes YOU feel that you've lost sight of the pain that your H might be in?
Here's the thing, Emily. I do believe your H will be back. I believe he does want to work things out with you. But every time you show this insecure, immature, overreactionary side of yourself to him, he will retreat. And it sounds like the OW is not much better, so I bet he's feeling really trapped right now. Have you ever tried to really look at things from HIS perspective?
Quote: Or are you so focused on how this whole situation makes YOU feel that you've lost sight of the pain that your H might be in? What pain could he possibly be in. and who the hell cares? He's made the bed for himself. . . so now I'm suppose to feel bad for him because he's done this to himself?
Quote: Here's the thing, Emily. I do believe your H will be back. I believe he does want to work things out with you. But every time you show this insecure, immature, overreactionary side of yourself to him, he will retreat. I only did ANY of this AFTER he bolted again. It all started when he called me Friday night and said he had to go down to Carlisle. I got quiet and he got mad. I never heard from him again. I knew he was going to see her. And it sounds like the OW is not much better, so I bet he's feeling really trapped right now. Have you ever tried to really look at things from HIS perspective? NO . . .and what might that be? I don't take the time to care . . . I've said it over and over lately. HE DID THIS TO HIMSELF . . . why should I care what he feels?
I told you all I would stand . . . but as soon as I made that decision . . . I went right back into that hole. That black hole. . .
I cannot stand. It drives me crazy. I can't do any of this. I am so scared. No matter what it's going to hurt. I feel so trapped . . . so hurt. . . so lost and soo alone. I don't have anyone to turn to. No one knows these feelings. I am such an emotionally closed person. I tell everyone I'm fine. I tell them NOTHING he does bothers me. They all ask ALL the time. I don't know how to reach out. I don't know how to not put on that mask and hide it all. I'm soo worried about everything.
I'm scared about the girls. . I'm scared about EVERYTHING that I need to do. It all seems so overwhelming. I don't even want to start . . it all feels like too much. I'm scared to death to do all of this by myself.
I would love to be strong enough to fight the good fight. But . . . I doubt myself.
Look at me. I've kept myself trapped for so long. I never got my divers license (BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARED. . I purposely failed the test the first time my parents FORCED me to take it. The second time I passed . . . but I refused to get my license) I am scared of taking that test with someone. I'm scared to make a mistake. I can drive . . . but it's the fear of failure that scares the hell outta me I think.
Quote: Riiiiight ... you were the perfect wife. It's all 100% his fault.
OK . . go ahead RB . . be an ignorant [censored]. SO NOW IT'S MY GODDAMN FAULT HE KICKED ME OUT TO [censored] CASSIE RIGHT? THAT'S ALL ME. BECAUSE NOTHING I DO COULD POSSIBLY BE GOOD ENOUGH. IT'S ALL MY [censored] FAULT. WELL [censored] YOU TO PAL.
I'M DONE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT. GO TO HELL IF IT SO PLEASES YOU. FORGIVE THE [censored] OUTTA ME FOR NOT BEING SUPERHUMAN. I SUPPOSE YOU ARE PERFECT RIGHT? I SUPPOSE THAT YOU'RE WIFE IS [censored] SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU ARE STELLAR AND SHE FELT SHAMED IN YOUR GRACE OR SOME [censored] STUPID REASON RIGHT.
THAT WAS THE LAST [censored] COMMENT I NEEDED TONIGHT
I am sad when my H doesn't call for days, or when he doesn't respond to a call for 24 hours or more...but rather than call him up and tell him what an a$$hole he is and how it's OVER, I just focus on other things and try to get through that horrible moment. And usually, after a good cry or venting to someone else, I feel okay and I can stand again...and leave him alone to figure out his own issues. And I believe that each day that goes by where I detach a little and give him all of the space he needs, I am showing my H that I respect his needs right now. Are you respecting his need to be away, Emily? Or are you so focused on how this whole situation makes YOU feel that you've lost sight of the pain that your H might be in?