Quote: I know you are very anti men at the moment and with every reason but logically you must know that not all men will treat like your H is currently doing I know that they wouldn't all treat me with the disrespect that he has. I know my recent move was nothing but anger bitterness and disrespect. The problem is that I chose him. I dedicated my life to HIM until death. I didn't pick a "good guy" . . . I chose a lying cheating SOB. Now I'm stuck . . .
Quote: If you can't let go of this anger for yourself do it for your girls. I will eventually . . It's my defense mechanism . . . ALWAYS has been. It's like when I am really really hurt (I.E. I fall down or something) I LAUGH. Because if I don't laugh I cry. When I get hurt emotional I rage out instead of crying. Not sure why. I cry A LOT . . . . but for some reason certain things I refuse to just cry about. They need to see that love can conquer all. I know this was suppose to be comforting but alls I can see is he and Cassie living happily ever after in a nice house with beautiful kids and such. The life he always promised me. I see how their love can conquer ever tie he ever had. Hence he chucks me aside and says f- the girls. He's done. I am ready to fight.
Quote: The problem is that I chose him. I dedicated my life to HIM until death. I didn't pick a "good guy" . . . I chose a lying cheating SOB. Now I'm stuck . . .
Yes you did but presumably he wasn't treating you like this when you did! You are only stuck if that is what you want. If you truely want out get out. Nobody here will think any the worse of you. BUT don't do it out of anger/hate. Do it b/c it is right for you.
Quote: I will eventually . . It's my defense mechanism
The time has arrived for your biggest 180 yet. I too have been very angry thoroughout my M. I have kicked (not literally), screamed, manipulated to get my own way. Not anymore. I learnt this lesson very quickly indeed. I can tell it is driving my H nuts that I respond to his demands for a D with calm and compassion rather than the raging lunatic he expects! LOL He probably still sees me as obstinate so in his eyes it probably isn't a 180 like it is in mine BUT I most definately feel better about myself knowing that inside I am raging but on the outside I am a pool of tranquility (and no I'm not a good actress!).
Quote: alls I can see is he and Cassie living happily ever after in a nice house with beautiful kids and such
Your biggest challenge yet. Has this scenario happened yet? No. If it ever does will you care? Probably less than you do now. This woman does not deserve the amount of thought you give her. Only those people who are kind to us and whom we love deserve this much energy wasted on them. I know how very hard that is to put into practice and I still stumble nearly everyday but the harder you try the easier it becomes. My kids are older than yours and what helped me was the fact that of their own voliton they gave OW a nickname. now on the odd occassion that they see H they never refer to OW by her real name they just refer to her as 'belly'. That brings a smile to my face b/c my H told me that one of the reasons he had stopped loving me was that i had put on so much weight (3 kids and 20 yrs after meeting!). I weighed about 10 stone when he left so I was never enormous. I now weigh about 8.5 stone. As you will be able to tell from my kids description of OW she is far bigger than I ever was. So all along I was his 'ideal' woman and he never knew it! Your kids are too little to give Cassie a nickname but I'm sure you can come up with loads So start here, today on this thread. I don't want to see you refer to your Hs OW by name anymore it gives her too much credit.
Emily the other thing that I think you and I have in common is that we don't know how to love ourselves. Just yesterday on a television programme I heard the phrase 'if you don't love yourself you don't love anyone' and you know what it is oh so true. Love you and others will want to follow suit.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Quote: Emily 21: I want to stay with the M I love, the only person I've ever been with intimantly, I want my babies to grow up with their wonderful father who loves them soooo very much. If it means that we start all over. Then that's what I want to do. I think that it would be a GREAT place for him and I to start and not feel stressed out about things going right back to where they were.
How the hell has all of this made me so anger and bitter. I really have stopped loving him in the past 9 months. Reading some of that first post . . . took me back like still frames and mini movie clips of that time. I remember how strongly I felt for him BEFORE I knew about Cassie. BEFORE I knew he threw me out for OW . . BEFORE I knew he had really given up.
I am most definately called to stand. I already blew it all up though . . . STUPID STUPID EMILY! When will I learn? Well I'm not flat on my face anymore at least . . . I think I've managed to get up and sit down so that I can look around for answers.
Quote: I am most definately called to stand. I already blew it all up though . . . STUPID STUPID EMILY! When will I learn? Well I'm not flat on my face anymore at least . . . I think I've managed to get up and sit down so that I can look around for answers
You backslid so what we all do it. You are not stupid you are a lovely young woman who cares very much about her H and is hurting like hell. You learnt today. Now tomorrow utilise what you have learnt as much as you can. If that means you feel you have to express remorse for tonight's phone call do it. It takes far more to be humble than to be arrogant. No you are not flat on your face anymore. NEver let yourself get in that state again. Remember today as an important lesson so that you never visit that place again.
Emily I was going to bed but I will stay up a bit longer to carry on giving you support if you need it. One of my daughters is called Emily so that is another affinity I share with you!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I wish I could just talk to him. (Sorry RB) I wish I could just explain everything. I wish he would just listen to me . . take time to hear what I have say. I wish he would be truthful and cut the crap and tell me how it's gonna be. I have to go for awhile . . . I'm getting too upset. Thanks so much ACJ . . . I'll let you go to bed I appreciate it though! REALLY! I'll be back later!
That must be the mantra of every LBS If you're sure you are ok I will go to bed. My D11 starts high school for the first time tomorrow so I don't want to be grumpy with her in the morning!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Quote: Stand or walk? I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't really really want to walk. I don't want to just throw in the towel. BUT I am so tired. I just want to be happy. I don't see any point in stand around waiting for him to come back when he's out with his new women. The new love of his life. I JUST FEEL SO LOST . . . and I don't know what to do. I know what I feel called to do. STAND . . and I know how I feel inside. TIRED/READY TO WALK
So start here, today on this thread. I don't want to see you refer to your Hs OW by name anymore it gives her too much credit.
