Chloroform The One You Love

[ACJ]

The problem is that I chose him. I dedicated my life to HIM until death. I didn't pick a "good guy" . . . I chose a lying cheating SOB. Now I'm stuck . . .

Yes you did but presumably he wasn't treating you like this when you did! You are only stuck if that is what you want. If you truely want out get out. Nobody here will think any the worse of you. BUT don't do it out of anger/hate. Do it b/c it is right for you.

I will eventually . . It's my defense mechanism

The time has arrived for your biggest 180 yet. I too have been very angry thoroughout my M. I have kicked (not literally), screamed, manipulated to get my own way. Not anymore. I learnt this lesson very quickly indeed. I can tell it is driving my H nuts that I respond to his demands for a D with calm and compassion rather than the raging lunatic he expects! LOL He probably still sees me as obstinate so in his eyes it probably isn't a 180 like it is in mine BUT I most definately feel better about myself knowing that inside I am raging but on the outside I am a pool of tranquility (and no I'm not a good actress!).

alls I can see is he and Cassie living happily ever after in a nice house with beautiful kids and such

Your biggest challenge yet. Has this scenario happened yet? No. If it ever does will you care? Probably less than you do now. This woman does not deserve the amount of thought you give her. Only those people who are kind to us and whom we love deserve this much energy wasted on them. I know how very hard that is to put into practice and I still stumble nearly everyday but the harder you try the easier it becomes. My kids are older than yours and what helped me was the fact that of their own voliton they gave OW a nickname. now on the odd occassion that they see H they never refer to OW by her real name they just refer to her as 'belly'. That brings a smile to my face b/c my H told me that one of the reasons he had stopped loving me was that i had put on so much weight (3 kids and 20 yrs after meeting!). I weighed about 10 stone when he left so I was never enormous. I now weigh about 8.5 stone. As you will be able to tell from my kids description of OW she is far bigger than I ever was. So all along I was his 'ideal' woman and he never knew it! Your kids are too little to give Cassie a nickname but I'm sure you can come up with loads So start here, today on this thread. I don't want to see you refer to your Hs OW by name anymore it gives her too much credit.

Emily the other thing that I think you and I have in common is that we don't know how to love ourselves. Just yesterday on a television programme I heard the phrase 'if you don't love yourself you don't love anyone' and you know what it is oh so true. Love you and others will want to follow suit.