Chloroform The One You Love

[ACJ]

So you are angry. That is understandable. So you took it out on the person who is making you angry. That too is understandable. Has it altered your sitch for the better? Probably not. Has it made it any worse? Probably not.
Emily I only follow your thread sporadically but what I see is a young mum who is terribly worried about her little girl and the one person who should be there to help her through it isn't around. You're not just angry at your H, you are angry b/c of the problems your baby is experiencing. Some parents show this as sadness/grief, others like you show it as anger. This is normal to a point.
FWIW before you can begin to feel better about anything you need to find a way to let go of the anger. Turn all that negative energy into something positive. I know that is easier said than done but if you don't try you will quite literally crack under the strain.
I see some of myself in your posts. I too have thoughts rushing around in my mind and when my H first left or when I get drunk (which thankfully hasn't happened for a while) I do send loads of text messages. They start off with something inane for example I sent one saying I was worried about his mum b/c she looks ill at the moment. He did not reply so by the time I had finsihed I was calling OW a w**re! Believe me I soon got a response then but it wasn't a response that I wanted as it was full of hatred. So you see if your H perceives anger/hate coming his way that is exactly what he will give back. Show him love and dignity and he will eventually respond in kind. It doesn't matter at this point whether he comes home or not b/c your prime concern has to be for your baby. However as those girls of yours grow they will start to learn things from you and if all they see is anger/hate directed towards thier dad then they will come to think that this is the way that all men should be treated. I know you are very anti men at the moment and with every reason but logically you must know that not all men will treat like your H is currently doing. Surely you don't want your girls growing up to hate men. If you can't let go of this anger for yourself do it for your girls. They need to see that love can conquer all. Only thier mum can give them that gift.