Chloroform The One You Love

[AmyC]

But I have to mow grass first. This REALLY is all you do isn't it? You must have the shortest grass in town . . .

HAAA!
Quite the contrary.
I haven't mowed in 2 weeks and after all the rain, it is thick as hell.
I'm on break.

[Emily28]

I refuse to stand for anything to do with this marriage.
Refuse.
I know I am not his judge.
But I still think he is nothing but a lying cheating sack of sh*t . . .
I refuse to do it.
I reject all thoughts of it.
I hope he is happy, he must REALLY love Cassie to choose her over his own flesh and blood.
I hate him.
I just hate him . . . every time I think about it all I just get furious.
What a great man . . . <--sarcasim.
He'll choose a whore over a family ANYDAY.
The only thing he's worried about is getting out of support. That's the only reason he keeps me hanging on a thread.
Dot the I cross the T. . . he only tries to use me.
Let someone else stand for him . . . or let him fall into the firy pits of hell . . . I don't care.
Good for him. . . he gets to reap what he has sown.
That sits fine with my soul . . . Amy fine.

[Emily28]

But you don't really need to stand for Kevin ... you need to stand for yourself, so that you can develop strength. You need to be faithful and strong for a couple of months.

I can stand for myself in having faith that I will be fine without him.
That the girls and I will be fine.
I can stand in faith of a bright new future without hinderance. Without Kevin.
That I can do RB!
As I just said . . . I refuse to stand for anything to do with this marriage.
I'm closing the door.
It's done.
I'd like to stay around if I may though?!!!?

[RBinBR]

Yeah, Emily, you can hate him if you want. You can do whatever you want, when you want ... I'm telling you how to have peace and joy in your life.

Otherwise, 50 years from now when you're at your grandkids' college graduation, you'll still be hating Kevin as the two of you watch your grandchildren together, hating each other.

Go ahead and lead your life of hatred and bitterness, Emily. It won't make you any happier than you are now, because hatred and happiness are not compatible. Hatred is only compatible with bitterness.

[Emily28]

Otherwise, 50 years from now when you're at your grandkids' college graduation, you'll still be hating Kevin as the two of you watch your grandchildren together, hating each other. So what if we hate each other. She'll be sitting right on the other side of him adding fuel to his fire . . . thinking she can stake a claim to something that is soley mine. Who gives a rip . .
I understand what you are saying RB. Really I do.
He has made these choices. I know that I now have the choice of being the bigger person and choosing to forgive his actions. But WHY? Why should I invest the time. Nothing is ever going to change about this sitch. NOTHING is going to change his mind. Besides who says that he'll have ANY interest in our grandkids? He barely even shows interest in our kids. I mean geesh I called him about them what two night ago . . . and he NEVER called back. HE DOESN'T CARE!

[kafira]

Besides who says that he'll have ANY interest in our grandkids? He barely even shows interest in our kids. I mean geesh I called him about them what two night ago . . . and he NEVER called back. HE DOESN'T CARE!

You know, my H does this, too. We have three children together and he sees them about once a week for a few minutes. He used to see them more frequently, but lately it's been very rare.

I used to think it was because he didn't care. But I am starting to see that he has his own demons to battle and that maybe his guilt about leaving makes it hard to be around the kids right now. Do you think it's possible that it actually tears Kevin up that he can't bring himself to be a part of your lives right now?

I know he's not a winner in your book right now and he's certainly worthy of the negative attitude at this point. However, give him the benefit of the doubt and remember that you're talking about a young man with a lot of issues to iron out. I don't think it's as simple as saying he just doesn't care about you or the kids. I think it's much deeper than that.

[Holly06]

So what if we hate each other. She'll be sitting right on the other side of him adding fuel to his fire . . . thinking she can stake a claim to something that is soley mine. Who gives a rip . .

Emily, Emily, Emily, do you really think she will still be in Kevin's life? You won't even remember her name, it will become, Cassie, Sassie, Lassie, Dog, WoofWoof...... you get the picture. She is so insignificant.
Cheers
Holly

[ACJ]

People in love they?re fast and foolish
People in love get everything wrong
People in love get scared and stupid
People in love get everything wrong

At least they?re not lonely
At least they?re not lonely
They?ll never be lonely

B-b-b-baby
I think I?m going c-c-c-crazy
Why should I be sane without you (hahh)

They can bloody well just try it
I?ll never be the same without you (hahh)

People in love get special treatment
People in love get everything wrong
People in love their hearts get eaten
People in love get everything wrong

At least they?re not lonely
At least they?re not lonely
They?ll never be lonely

B-b-b-baby
I think I?m going c-c-c-crazy
And why should I be sane without you (hahh)
They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it

Emily I see you like to post lyrics from songs so I thought I send you this one. It's called 'At least they're not lonely' by The Feeling (in case you haven't heard it yet).
I think it is very appropriate to an MLCer!

[Emily28]

I just threw a match into the gas can . . . it made a BIG flash . . and I think I'm going to watch it burn.

I didn't mean to.
I don't even really know why I did it.
I lost the bet already RB, Frank and Alimari!
So sorry.

I am just mad that he didn't care about the lives of the girls. After the sitch I was in with my crazy thinking . . . he doesn't care about them . .
I called and said something to the affect of, "Thank you for pissing me off enough to wake me up. I'll see you at the support conference. Anything before and after that you can forget. You've burnt your last godd@mn bridge to me and the girls. Forget we exsist. I hope you can make Cassie happy because you never will me. You're a [censored], a horrible father and a pitiful excuse for a man. I deserve better than you and the girl DAMN well deserve a hell of a lot better. GOOD-BYE."

Go ahead and yell now . . . I am prepared for it . . and I definately deserve it.

[ACJ]

So you are angry. That is understandable. So you took it out on the person who is making you angry. That too is understandable. Has it altered your sitch for the better? Probably not. Has it made it any worse? Probably not.
Emily I only follow your thread sporadically but what I see is a young mum who is terribly worried about her little girl and the one person who should be there to help her through it isn't around. You're not just angry at your H, you are angry b/c of the problems your baby is experiencing. Some parents show this as sadness/grief, others like you show it as anger. This is normal to a point.
FWIW before you can begin to feel better about anything you need to find a way to let go of the anger. Turn all that negative energy into something positive. I know that is easier said than done but if you don't try you will quite literally crack under the strain.
I see some of myself in your posts. I too have thoughts rushing around in my mind and when my H first left or when I get drunk (which thankfully hasn't happened for a while) I do send loads of text messages. They start off with something inane for example I sent one saying I was worried about his mum b/c she looks ill at the moment. He did not reply so by the time I had finsihed I was calling OW a w**re! Believe me I soon got a response then but it wasn't a response that I wanted as it was full of hatred. So you see if your H perceives anger/hate coming his way that is exactly what he will give back. Show him love and dignity and he will eventually respond in kind. It doesn't matter at this point whether he comes home or not b/c your prime concern has to be for your baby. However as those girls of yours grow they will start to learn things from you and if all they see is anger/hate directed towards thier dad then they will come to think that this is the way that all men should be treated. I know you are very anti men at the moment and with every reason but logically you must know that not all men will treat like your H is currently doing. Surely you don't want your girls growing up to hate men. If you can't let go of this anger for yourself do it for your girls. They need to see that love can conquer all. Only thier mum can give them that gift.