Dear Blues, my H left me suddenly after 19 yrs marriage (young EA involved)...at the time he "hated me intensely and wanted a divorce." One month later, he was "confused and didn't know WHAT he wanted."
We had a very strange separation...got along better than when we were together. After about 6 months we even started having nookie every so often. BUT, he was very adamant about he didn't want me getting "IDEAS" that we were getting back together just because we were having sex.
I found DB and this website as soon as my H left, and implemented the DB strategies. Also, one of my main goals at first was to become "friends" again...which we did. BUT, we were still "in limbo" and things were just progressing SO slowly (Michele reminded me in individual counselling that we were on my H's timetable).
Fast forward 16 months (and lots of patience by me, the queen of "want it now"). I am tired of the limbo, and implement some rather radical DB type strategies....main one being, making my H feel like he doesn't really "have" me.
My H suddenly wakes up; begs ME to get back with him (crying, pleading, telling me we have SUCH a history, etc). I made him wait 2 months of him pursuing me like crazy just to cement his love for me so we would not have this problem AGAIN. Then I told him he could give his 30 day notice at his apt, and move back in.
He has been home now for 5 months and things are WONDERFUL. I have the marriage I always wanted (we had a pretty bad marriage for around the last 15 yrs). Believe me I am doing all I can to keep it that way too; and my H is really making an effort. When he wanted back with me, he said he would do ANYTHING to get me back, and he did.
But he had to want it really badly...you just cannot force them into it...when he was telling me stuff that I had told him a yr before (trying to convince me to let him back), I would say, "I told you that last yr" and he would say, "but I was not ready to hear it then." He also said it was like he had been in a fog for 2 yrs.
Thought you might like some encouragement in knowing that there ARE success stories...but many times it takes quite awhile. I never thought I could have such infinite patience, but I did, and it was worth it!
Carol
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
