Quote: I've been sticking to my goals and done very good at following through with them but I'm not seeing any real changes in her. I know she sees the changes I've made but I really don't think it matters to her. Guess it's time to go back and try something else.
PATIENCE! ... my dear fellow.
Basically, it has taken a period of months, if not years, of a steady downhill trend for the M to reach the state it is in now, allowing for your W to draw the conclusion that the trend can not be broken. Oh, like a stock market graph, you're change seem like some peaks, but she feels they are not going to stop the eventual crash.
What you are trying to accomplish is to change the momentum of the direction your M has taken ... to get it back on track of making it better ... so there is going to be a lot of inertia to overcome. While she has noticed your changes, she isn't convinced that the will stay ... that they are permanent. So you are not going to see a difference in her yet.
When will you see a change? When she is convinced that these changes for the better are here to stay. The downward trend has been bucked and she sees it is possible for things to remain better.
Just as important as it is to make changes for the better, is to keep doing them. When you find what works, do more of it and the only tool you have to demonstrate that these changes are for real and are here to stay is time ... a lot of time. She is going to have to feel that the good days outnumber the bad ones and it will remain that way. So you are going to have to learn to have lotsa patience ... patience ... patience ...
Think of your changes like steering an oceanliner, it takes a long time at the wheel before turning that boat around.
Somewhere in there could be the theme of your next thread?...
Of course, this doesn't mean you don't have to try something else. Finding the 180's that work is mostly trial and error, trying something new and finding it works is like bring new excitement back in the R. In striving to make things better you should always keep an eye open to new 180's to do. Its a life-long process, but never forsake the changes that you have made that do work bring you closer...
'til later, KAW
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
