Imsad, you won't want to hear this but you have to "show" her what she's asking for, talking about it won't do. It takes time for them to see you've changed and to see that the changes are gonna stick. I was M 19 years at time of bomb, that was 18 months ago. Luckily I found DR the next day and started applying the techniques. My H didn't expect me to be upbeat and positive and happy around him, after all, my negativity and bitchy-ness is what got me into trouble in the first place. He told me he felt guilty because I was being nice to him. He also accused me of doing it out of desperation so don't be taken too aback if you get that too. I just told him that I didn't like the way I had become either, and it was the truth. I just needed to hit rock bottom after I got the "wake up call" of him telling me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a D.
And acting as if you are happy and upbeat and positive is very hard when you feel like you're dying inside but you must!!! Your W needs to see and experience the man she fell in love with again. And THIS you need to show her. Don't talk about it. Just do it.
My H and I are still together, he no longer wants his blasted D. My H 'thought' that he was done, had himself convinced but I knew he wasn't as done as he wanted to be. We are still recovering, it's been 18 months, and a long road full of ups and downs. He still isn't wearing his ring or telling me ILY like he used to do all the time for many years. Those are my next 2 goals. In the meantime I still show him that I'm not the same person anymore. He is being cautious. After all, I did treat him wrong for 19 years. That's a long time.
Good luck to you. Listen to the folks here, they know what they're talking about! Read DR and read it again. Don't give it to your W to read. She won't be interested and will view it as pursuing, and that doesn't work. Show her you are still the man she fell in love with, that 'he' is still "in there". Lisa
JJ
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