kdr, Boy, how could you NOT be on an emotional roller coaster? What you are dealing with can be so very tough! But as you mentioned, your reactions have not always "played well" with your wife.
First, understand that YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR BEHAVIORS. Second, YOU MUST DO ALL YOU CAN TO STOP IMMEDIATELY what you are doing that is pushing your W away from you.
I can tell you realize your behavior could push your W to the OG. It may be helpful for you to envision actually pushing your W toward the OG every time you begin to destructively behave. Maybe that thought will be so unpleasant to you, it might help you gain better control of your behavior.
So kdr, the most crucial step for you at this moment, is to stop ALL behavior that pushes your W away from you. Take a deep breath and think first before you react. I believe you can do it!! If you have come to this BB, that tells me you want to change...so believe in your ability to do so!
JJ
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