Hi Ray. After reading your sitch, I see we have a lot in common in respect to our WAW's. The one comment from your W that struck a nerve with me was this one...
Quote: She says she wants her freedom and wants to find herself again.
My W's sentiments exactly! I think your decision to detach and give yourself space is an excellent idea.
You need to respect your W's needs right now. No matter how much it hurts, and as others have already mentioned, you MUST GIVE HER SPACE TOO!!! If you don't, you'll be pushing her farther and farther away. In her eyes, you are smothering her and she needs to breathe in order to live.
In my sitch, I feel my W lost her identity by feeling controlled by my presence. Almost everythng she did in our M was for me rather than for herself. During our entire M, as well as our current separation, my w has always be outwardly pleasant with me, but I think on the inside, she was ready to burst. With my giving her space, she was able to regain control of herself and I could almost immediately feel her hidden resentments towards me start to diminish.
Going "grey" sounds like a good idea. Be there for your W during critical times, but make yourself unavailable for the petty stuff. Become a mystery to her. Let her start to think what's going on in your head for a change.
Quote: What can I do get more time with her? How can I show her I have changed if she never has contact with me?
Be patient with showing your changes. Take some time for yourself to regroup and strengthen yourself while you put your DBing plan together. This will also give your W some time to gather her thoughts as well. There is no need to expedite things right now. Rememeber, haste makes waste. Let time be your ally and let things settle down a little before you begin exposing your changes. This is going to be a long ride, so fasten your seat belt and hang on.
Good Luck !
JJ
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