Snooping doesn't help with a WAS. It only matters 1) if your spouse thinks they can cheat and still have you --and continue loving you; thus snooping enables you to get proof to lay down the law; or 2) if you have decided to end the relationship and need proof to bolster your legal position.
If not, and you would forgive your spouse for adultery, snooping will certainly hurt you more than WAS. Think about it, if you knew your spouse was in PA from ceiling fans with OP and you would still have them back, why do you need to know. Moreover, snooping will push them further away to OP and give them another reason to hate you. And more important, you become obsessed with snooping, our minds play tricks on us, and we torture ourselves.
I had a reminder of this tonight. While putting W's laundry away, I noticed her black lengerie robe (which she rarely wore) was no longer in her drawer. Two months ago this would have killed me all night and I would have confronted her; tonight, after detaching, I was intrigued, but unsure what was going on. Alas, an hour later I was pulling together the trash, and W had thrown out several pieces of clothing, including the robe--which took up space in her drawer. Two months ago, I would have put my foot in mouth and pushed as closer to divorce; tonight, I'll live to DB another day.
At worst, I just assume W is having an A, but hope it's not true. If it is going on, there's nothing I can do about it, so I may as well help myself. Hope that helps.
Merrick
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
