Quote: I've been trying the LRT for about 2 wks. now.....
That's not long enough to get much results, let alone to be "going out of (your) mind".
Quote: My H is very sensative to things & now I hope the LRT doesn't backfire for me now that I've stop acting like I care about him & stopped all the persueing....
If he's very sensitive, be very careful you don't appear to be manipulating him, attempting to control him...
Quote: Even been going out with friends a couple of times.
To this I have to be very careful not to sound sarcastic, but is this "few times" a pattern of behavior that shows H that you are likely to move on? Or is it running away while looking over your shoulder to see if he's following, and if he isn't you stop running, and wait to see if he will come. But he doesn't so, you go back to ask why not. And of course, that's not pursuit.... is it?
Quote: Has the LRT backfired for anyone? I so need some advise ASAP! Going out of my mind.
The LRT -- LAST RESORT technique -- is just that... the LAST RESORT. You use it when you've accepted that he's not coming back but you are unwilling to file for divorce. Actually, among some councellors, filing for divorce yourself is a form of LRT. I mention that to show you how serious and powerful and dangerous a technique it is. You use it when you have accepted that he's not coming back. You are letting him go. You are moving on with your life and finding a new one, because you accept your old one is over, and the old patterns of your old relationship don't work. A NEW life, not out with friends "a couple of times". If he decides to join you in your new life, you and he will do so with a renewed level of respect, both with a renewed level of self worth, and a renewed commitment to each other to be together and share your renewed selves. No emotional blackmail, no dependency.
Can it backfire???? YOU BET. If you enter into it without the full sincerity of moving on, while leaving the door open for him to join you, but instead attempt to manipulate him into seeing your having fun but getting upset because he's not joining you, and then going back and asking and wondering and whining.... YES it will backfire.
LRT is your final letting go, your final act of self respect while still in the relationship, making your own life and moving on, but not closing the door to him. If he joins you, fantastic. If not, you know you will be fine without him, you will make a life, and you will be fantastic.
Yes, it can backfire if you are not strong enough to pull it off. It is the LAST RESORT, and it is the essense of self power, self knowledge, and self respect. It is the epitome of DB (in my opinion).
I, myself, have never been strong enough to pull it off. I believe if I was, and if I could, I'd have my W back. Hmmm... Something for me to think about.
z
JJ
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